Mitgeschrieben und dem Planearium zur Verf├╝gung gestellt von Willie Westwood (South Park Scriptorium)

Episode 909 - Marjorine


Butters / Marjorine
Blond Boy
A Girl
Stephen and Linda Stotch
Police Officers
Father Maxi
Ms. Garrison
Heidi's Parents, Mr. and Mrs. Turner
Rachel, Quality Curtains representative.

[Cartman's basement, afternoon. The fourth grade boys are seated at a large conference table. Stan and Kyle come down the stairs and see the rest of the boys. At table are, counterclockwise, Clyde, Kevin, Token, Craig, a blond boy, Butters, a black-haired boy, Timmy, a brown-haired boy, Tweek, and Kenny.]
Kyle:What are you guys all doing here?
Clyde:I don't know, I, I got this emergency letter from Cartman, who said to meet in his basement? [shows the letter]
Stan:Yeah, us too. [pulls out his own and looks at it]
Cartman:[closes the door and comes downstairs] Ah, gentlemen, thank you for coming. [drops some papers on the table] We don't have a lot of time, so I'll cut to the chase: The girls at our school have been hiding something from us! Hiding something huge...
Cartman:What if I were to tell you... that the girls have a device... which allows them to see... into the future?
Butters:How do you know?
Kyle:The girls do not have a device that shows them the future, Cartman! That's retarded!
Clyde:[in an English accent. Cartman looks on, startled] You, sir, mocked Cartman before, yet you two sit here demanding answers! [bangs on the talble twice with his fist] Now damn you let him speak!
Cartman:[a few seconds later] Thank you, Clyde. [Clyde folds his arms on the table and drops his head on then] Aaaagh, I'm afraid it's true. [Cartman walks over to the TV cart and pulls it towards the table] Uh, I secretly videotaped the girls on the playground yesterday using my Wellington Bear video camera. [whips that out] I caught the following images on tape. [transfers the tape from camera to player] I warn you, these images may be too shocking for young children.
Butters:Oh okay, I'm not lookin'. [buries his face in his arms]
Cartman:Video Playback Initialized! [presses play on the remote control and the screen shows the girls playing]
Bebe:Cool! [the camera zooms in on her] Okay, my turn, my turn! Do me now!
Girl:Okay Bebe, what do you want to know?
Bebe:I want to know if I want to live in a big mansion in the future.
Girl:Okay, let's find out. Ready? [pulls out a paper fortume teller] Pick a number.
Bebe:[off-screen] Four!
Girl:[opens the teller one way, then the other, twice] One two three four. Okay, pick a color.
Girl:[repeats] B L U E. All right, pick another color.
Girl:'Kaaay. Okay, will Bebe live in a big mansion in the future? [opens an interior flap] Definitely yes!
Bebe:All right!
Girls:Woohoo! You rock, Bebe!
Boys:Whoa! Wow!
Red:Do me next. I wanna know if I'm gonna marry somebody cute.
Heidi:I'll do it! I'll do it! [takes the teller from the other girl] Pick a number.
Heidi:[works the teller] One two three. Nooow, pick a color.
Clyde:Where did they get that thing? [Kyle shushes him]
Heidi:G R E E N
Red:Now blue!
Heidi:The answer is no. [the girls laugh at her]
Red:Aw dangit!
Stan:[mystified] Oh my God, how does it know the answer?
Craig:I... don't believe it.
Cartman:Believe it! The girls can ask it any question they want and it gives them an answer. Freeze image! [presses the pause button and turns to the table] Gemtemen, we have to get our hands on that device.
[Cartman's backyard, day. The boys begin setting up a containment tent. Token, Jason, and Kenny use pulleys to pull the curtains up around them. Craig and the blond boy pull up a chalkboard on which is posted pictures of girls to keep surveillance on. Someone rolls out blueprints of the fortune teller. Other boys perform their tasks]
Cartman:[arrives at Clyde and Kevin's table] How is the incubation shield coming, Clyde?
Clyde:It's all set. Once we have the device, it can be housed in here safely until we know what we're dealing with.
Cartman:Good man. [goes over to a computer Clyde, Token, and Kyle are working on] Any luck here?
Kyle:The outside of the device seems to be covered in numerals. Inside are colors... which must open up some sort of temporal time warp.
Cartman:Good. Keep working. We want to know all we can before we try to operate it. [moves to the center of the tent] All right, gentlemen, our containment center for the time warp is nearly complete. All that's left for us to do is get the device from the girls and bring it here.
Craig:Let's go take it.
Cartman:Don't be a fool, Craig. Do you really think the girls are just gonna hand that technology over?
Stan:So what do you suggest?
Cartman:Heidi Turner [turns on a projector on which is shown her picture] is going to have a slumber party on Thursday night. There's no doubt in my mind the girls will be using the future-telling device there. If we... can get somebody invited to that slumber party, not only can we get a hold of the device, but, find out how to use it.
Stan:Yeah, there's just one problem: a boy can't go to a chicks' slumber party.
Cartman:No, not a boy, but a girl. One of us is gonna have to go undercover, show up in school tomorrow disguised as the new girl who just moved to town.
Kevin:You mean like that movie, Juwanna Mann?
Cartman:No, not like Juwanna Mann, Kevin, okay?! It's way cooler than that!
Stan:But if one of us pretends to be the new girl in class, the girls will wonder where that boy went.
Cartman:Which is why we have to fake that boy's death. It's simple spy stuff, my friends. Take your top man, fake his deatk, then send him in disguised as the enemy. [smiles]
Kyle:That's a pretty solid idea. But who?
[The Stotch house, night. A patrol car stops and two police officers arrive at the front door. The officer on the left knocks.]
Brunet Officer:Mr. and Mrs. Stotch?
Stephen:Yes? What is it, officer?
Brunet Officer:You'd better come quick.
Blond Officer:Your son is at the Bowery Building threatening to kill himself.
[The Bowery Building. Police and people are gathered on the ground and two spotlights shine on Butters, who's standing on the roof's edge, ready to fall. An ambulance is present]
Brunet Officer:Don't do it, son! You have too much to live for! [another patrol car pulls up and out hops Butters' parents]
Linda:Oh my God, Butters!
Buitters:Oh uh, hi Mom.
Cartman:[On the roof behind him] Just keep stalling, Butters. We don't have the dead pig quite ready yet. [Clyde, Craig and Stan dress the pig while Cartman makes a Butters mask for it.]
Butters:Un, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Stephen:[grabs the bullhorn from an officer] Butters? Butters, whatever is troublng you, this isn't the answer! Look at all these people who've come out for you! Just come down now, son, and ...we promise we won't ground you for more than a couple of weeks.
Butters:N'aw geez! Now I'm gonna get grounded, too.
Cartman:Okay, it's ready! Step down, Butters! [the pig is done, Butters steps down, and the pig is shoved into place]
Linda:He, h-he's coming down! Oh thank God!
Brunet Officer:No, wait, whatwhat's he doing?? [the blond one is horrified. The Butters mask appears over the ledge]
Cartman:Okay. One! Two!
Brunet Officer:JEEESUS CHRIST! [Linda screams. The pig drops to the ground and explodes, splattering everyone around with blood and guts.]
Doctor:He... didn't make it.
[South Park Cemetery, night]
Fr. Maxi:And he shall be remembered as the peaceful little boy who warmed his parent's hearts. [Linda sobs uncontrollably] Lord, as we commit this child's body to the earth, may we ask it be the last child you strike down so mercilessly. We know this request to be futile, Lord, but just thought we would ask. [the casket is lowered]
Linda:NOOOOOO!! NOOOOOO!! BUTTERS!! [jumps on the casket] NOOOOOO!! Don't put him down there!! Don't put him down there!!
[South Park Elementary, fourth grade, day. The kids take their seats and chat. Ms. Garrison enters with books and his purse]
Ms. Garrison:Okay children, let's take our seats. Now I know that we're all still in deep, deep mourning over the tragic death of our classmate, Butters.
Red:Who's Butters?
Ms. Garrison:But we all must try to mvoe on. And so I'd like you to help me welcome a new student who has just moved here from Dallas. Children, please say hello to... Marjorine. [Butters enters dressed as a blond girl, with the wig askew]
Butters:Oh, uh, hello.
Ms. Garrison:Welcome to our school, Marjorine.
Butters:Oh... Thank you. [curtsies]
Cartman:[whispers to Stan] Dude, I think it's totally working. The girls are totally buying it. [clears his throat]
Ms. Garrison:Why don't you tell the children a little about yourself, Marjorine?
Butters:Well, I'm just a typical little girl. I like dancin', an' and ponies, a-a-and [squeezes his eyes shut] getting my snootch pounded on Friday night.
Ms. Garrison:Now Marjorine, that's not very lady-like. Us Colorado girls love to get pounded in the snootch just like any woman, but we keep it to ourselves.
Butters:Oh... [looks down]
Bebe:That girls sure has a strange sense of fashion.
Cartman:[pretends like he's yawning] Dude, they totally think he's a girl. [coughs]
Ms. Garrison:All right, have a seat, Marjorine, I'm sure all the other girls will be happy to show you around the school. [the girls look cross] Won't you, girls?
Red:Where do you buy your clothes?
Butters:Oh. Uhm, you know. Girl places.
Cartman:[pretends like he's yawning] Dude, they've bought it hook line and sinker. [coughs] This is going swimmingly. [coughs]
[Heidi's house, night. She's in the kitchen making lemonade.]
Mom:[enters the kitchen carrying a bowl] Heidi, sweetie, I'm just gonna set the snacks over here. [sets the snacks on a bar stool, then walks off]
Heidi:'Kay Mom.
Mom:[turns around] Oh, and Heidi, there's going to be one extra girl comng to your slumber party.
Mom:The new girl in your class, Marjorine.
Heidi:Mom, I didn't invite her!
Mom:I know, sweetie, but I got a call from Marjorine's mother.
Heidi:Her mother??
Mom:She said Marjorine is having a really hard time being in a new school. Her mom asked me personally if we could have Marjorine over, and besides, her mother told me that she works as a state official and that I should [slows down a bit] respect her authroitay.
[The Stotch house, night. Linda is crying in the master bedroom]
Stephen:Linda? Linda, please come downstairs.
Linda:[through her tears] Why couldn't we help him? Why is our little boy dead? [begins to bawl. Stephen leaves her alone and walks downstairs]
Stephen:[sees Butters on a family portrait] Oh Butters! Oh Butters, I miss you so much! [the doorbell rings. A familiar face is on the other side of the door]
Mechanic:Mr. Stotch. I know what you're thinkin'.
Stephen:Who are you?
Mechanic:[in a spooky accent] I came to talk you out of it. You need tuh... just accept that your son is dead, not try to bring him back.
Stephen:Bring him back? Why... What are you talking about?
Mechanic:[walks inside] I know you're thinkin' of puttin; him up there, the Indian Burial Ground up that road. You're thinking if you bury his body there, he will come back alive. Sometimes, dead is better.
Stephen:Indian... Burial Ground?
Mechanic:It's been done before, what you're thinkin' of. The Nelson boy, back in '85.
Stephen:You're saying if I... dig up my son's body and rebury him at the... old Indian Burial Ground, that I-
Mechanic:Don't do it, Stotch! What comes out of the ground ain't the thing you put in. The Indiand knew that. That's why they stopped using it when the ground went sour. I'm just here to talk you out of it. [walks towards the front door,which is still open, then turns one last time] Don't bury your son's body at the Indian Burial Ground, Stotch! The one that's right up over there, behind the Andersons' bar. Sometimes... dead is better. [puts on his hat and walks out. Stephen turns around and looks confused]
[Heidi's house, night. Across the street, the boys peek out from behind some bushes]
Cartman:All right, Butters, that's Heidi's house.
Butters:Huh I can't do it, felas. I can't go into a girls' slumber party! What if they find out I ain't a girl?
Clyde:You're gonna be fine.
Cartman:Now Butters, we don't know exactly what it is that girls do at their slumber parties. But if they all start, you know, lezzing out, just roll with it.
Butters:Lezzing out? What's lezzing out?
Kyle:Now look, Butters, when the girls bring out the future-telling device, pay attention to how it works. Once you know how to operate it, just grab it and get the hell out of there.
Butters:Wuh then I can go home and tell my mommy and daddy I'm not really dead?
Stan:Youh dude, of course. Now go, the party's already started.
Clyde:Good luck, man. [Kyle gives him a push, and Butters is off]
Cartman:Remember Butters, you must get that future-telling device from the girls at all costs! And just roll with it if they start lezzing out. [Kyle gives him a disapproving look]
[Heidi's house, rec room, in the basement. Heidi's father, with the build of a bodybuilder, enters the room]
Dad:All right, now we all want you to have a good time. But as Heidi's parents, tonight it is our responsibility to look out for all of you. There's not gonna be any drinking, no pot, and most importantly, if I catch any boys anywhere near this party, they're gonna be in a world of hurt. [Butters mumbles a bit and sighs] All right, have a nice time, girls. [Heidi's mom sets chocolate milk on the stool, and both parents go to bed]
Heidi:So, what do you guys wanna do first?
Bebe:We could play "girl talk." [the other girls approve]
Red:I brought the new Justin Timberlake CD. We should dance to it. [the other girls approve again]
Butters:How about we read each other's futures?
Wendy:I know. Let's do "Light as a feather, stiff as a board." [the other girls approve again, then spread out. Two girls light candles and place them on the rug as Butters looks on. Bebe turns the lights off, and the girls gather again, making a circle around the candles] Who wants to go first?
Red:I will. [gets in the middle and lays down]
Butters:Oh geez, are we gonna start lezzing out? [the girls look at him for a moment, then turn back to the center of the circle]
Wendy:Light as a feather, stiff as a board.
The Girls:[getting louder as Red begins to float upwards] Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Light as a feather, stiff as a board! Light as a feather, stiff as a board!! [Red is floating fairly hight now, and Butters screams]
[Outside, the boys are hearing Butters scream]
Kyle:Jesus, what are they doing in there?
Cartman:God only knows the horrors that go on in girls' slumber parties. Let's just hope Butters can survive it.
[Outside, the boys are hearing Butters scream]
Butters:AAAAAAAAAAH NOO! Witches! You're all witches! [Red floats back down, Bebe turns on the lights, and Heidi faces Butters]
Heidi:Marjorine, what is your problem?!
Butters:Huh? Oh nothin'. Hey, you guys wanna tell each other's futures now?
Red:Yeah. I can tell you your future, Marjorine! You're going to live alone your entire life because you're a nerdy dorky geed!
Heidi:Yeah, and your hair is totally stupid! [Butters looks ashamed.]
Bebe:Yeah, and you're flat! [Butters looks down at his chest]
Heidi:Marjorine, why don't you just leave?! Nobody wants you here!
[South Park Cemetary, night. Buttters' tombstone is shown. Stephen approaches with a shovel and looks around, then kneels next to the grave]
Stephen:Hello son. Don't you worry. Daddy's gonna make everything all right again. [begins shoveling dirt out of the way as the sky above him crackles with thunder and lightning. He finally reaches the coffin and shoves it out of the grave. He opens it and looks inside.] There he is. There's my boy! Come on, Butters! [lifts the pig carcass out of the coffin and is repulsed by the smell] Oh... Butters... smell like... bacon. [carries the carcass off] Don't worry. We're gonna bring you back, son. We're gonna bring you back! [walks away smiling]
[Heidi's house, rec room, later. Wendy and Bebe return from somewhere]
Wendy:[to the other girls] I think we went too far with Marjorine
Bebe:She's in the bathroom crying. [the girls listen, then move towards the bathroom]
Heidi:[knocks on the bathroom door] Marjorine.
Butters:[sobbing inside] Nobody likes meee...
Bebe:Aw gee, she's really upset.
Wendy:I feel terrible, you guys. It can't be easy being the new girl in school.
Heidi:Marjorine? Marjorine? Hey, we didn't mean it.
Butters:You don't know how hard it is to be me.
Bebe:Marjorine, we were just teasing. We think you're great.
Butters:You think I'm uglee-eeheheee.
Wendy:You're not ugly, Marjorine.
Butters:You said I'm ugly and I'm flat.
Heidi:Marjorine, you just have a different look, that's all. We just... we need to help you bring out your inner beauty.
Wendy:Yeah. How about we all give you a little makeover, Marjorine?
Girls:[randomly] Yeah, Let's go!
Butters:[opens the door] You mean it?
[Outside, the boys keep watch]
Kyle:Dude, it's been too long. Something's wrong. [Craig whips out some binoculars to look into the rec room]
Stan:Maybe they found him out.
Clyde:Then, he's already dead.
Stan:Come on, we gotta go check on him [he, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny move towards the house, reaching the storm cellar.]
Kyle:Can you see anything? [the boys pull up and check out the rec room. The girls are indeed dancing to Justim Timberlake. Butters looks much beeter now, as a pretty girl, and joins the girls in dancing]
Stan:He's just dancing around.
Cartman:That sonofabitch! [Butters continues showing off his - Marjorine's - moves]
Mom:[entering the rec room] Marjorine, sweetie, your mom's on the phone.
Butters:[stops and looks] My mom? [goes upstairs to the kitchen to answer the phone as Heidi's parents look on] Hello?
Cartman:Butters! Just what the fuck do you think you're doing?!
Butters:Well, I'm just havin' some fun with my girlfriends.
Cartman:You aren't there to have fun, you black asshole! You were supposed to be getting the future-telling device.
Butters:Well, I'm workin' on it!
Cartman:Working on what?! Your dance moves?!
Butters:Now look! I'm getting pretty sick of this! Well I put myself through a lot, and you can't talk to me like that! Uh, mom.
Cartman:Just do what you were sent in there to do, dickface! [hangs up]
[The Indian Burial Ground. Stephen walks into a clearing with a weird design in it. He gets to the middle and starts digging a hole in order to bury "Butters" again.]
[Heidi's house, rec room, later. Butters returns to the rec room]
Red:Hey Marjorine, you wanna know your future? [smiles]
Butters:Ah. Uhh. Could I hold that?
Heidi:Sure. [hands the forture teller to Butters, but he doesn't take it yet] Here, you do my future.
Heidi:Well uh you know, it's easy. You just put your thumbs and index fingers in here...
[Upstairs, Heidi's father decides to check outdoors. He gets some binoculars and looks across the street. He spots Craig, who senses this and lowers his binoculars]
Dad:Aha! I knew it! Boys in the slumber party!
[Downstairs, Butters gasps.]
Heidi:There's a boy here?
Butters:[moves towards the stairs] Stand back! I had a... great time tonight, but I gotta do what I was sent here to do! [lunges at them, then runs up the stairs and outside]
Craig:He's got it! He's got the device! [the boys come out and surround Butters]
Cartman:Tango tango tango! We've got it! [he, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny join the other boys] Let's get it to the cointainment center! Go! [Clyde runs up, gets it, and runs off]
Stan:Come on, Butters.
Butters:No! That darn device is nothin' but trouble! Ah I'm done, and I'm goin' home to tell my Mom and Dad I'm not dead! [runs off]
Heidi:[appears at the doorway with her dad and the other girls] What the hell?
Cartman:Haaahahahaha, we have the device now! The power belongs to us! [turns around and cackles as he and the boys run away]
Heidi:... Anybody have a piece of notebook paper so I can make another one?
[Cartman's backyard]
Jason:Go! Go! Get in the containment field! [Clyde enters it and takes the future-telling device, now attached to a stick, to the incubation shield. He places it inside, on the stand made for it, and pulls out the stick. A glass cover descends on the incubator and seals it. Clyde then takes off his clothes and enters a decontaminating shower stall]
[The Stotch house, night]
Linda:Stephen, you did what??
Stephen:I had to, Linda. If there was even the slightest chance it would bring him back! I don't know! I don't know what I'm doing anymore!
Linda:You dug up our son's body?? Performed some kind of pagan ritual??
Stephen:Linda, I did it for you! You wanted him back so much. So did I!
Linda:Not like this! [swoons a bit, and softly] ...Not like this. He wouldn't be our son, Stephen. He would be a walking abomination. An unholy demon spawn! [knocks are heard on the front door and they both gasp, afraid of who or what is on the other side. More knocks, and then...]
Stephen:[softly] It's him.
Linda:Keep the door locked.
Butters:Mom? Dad? Ih it's me, Butters. I'm back. [his parents have horrified looks on their faces]
Linda:Oh God... [Butters knocks again, then tries to turn the doorknob.] No! [Butters keeps trying to open the door, Linda hides her face on Stephen's shoulder, and there's silence. Linda begins to cry]
Stephen:[soothes her] It's gone, dear. It's gone. Forgive me.
Butters:[enters through the side door in the kitchen.] Huhey Mom and Dad, I'm not- [Linda shrieks and hides behind the couch]
Stephen:Oh God, it's terrible! What have I done?!
Butters:Uh, I guess you're probably a little surprised to see me.
[The containment center, later.]
Cartman:Gentlemen, this is a historic day for all of boy- and mankind! In a few moments, we will know the future. [prepares to handle the fortune teller with black gloves separating the incubator from his hands]
Stan:Ho- hold on guys. We're not sure what this device is capable of. Maybe we should wait until we've had more time to study it.
Cartman:No, no! We don't have tome for that, Stan! It's time to ask it a question.
Clyde:How come you get to use it first?
Cartman:Because I do, Clyde.
Craig:I wanna use it.
Cartman:I'm askin' the first question! Let's just start with something simple. Will Kyle die before he's twenty?
Kyle:Wait! I don't wanna know that!
Clyde:Ask it if the Broncos are gonna win on Sunday.
Jason:Naw, dude, then it won't be fun to watch!
Cartman:Will you all just shut up so I can do this?!
Craig:You shut up, asshole!
Kyle:I don't wanna know when I'm going to die, fatass! [everyone starts arguing]
Stan:[moves forward to address everyone] Guys, guys, guys, stop! [everyone stops] Look at what this thing is doing to us. [turns to Cartman] Butters was trying to tell me something outside the house. That this device is nothing but trouble. I think I know what he meant now.
Jason:How could be nothing but trouble?
Stan:We risked everything to get it from the girls. How long before the girls attack us to get it back?
Clyde:Yeah. Forget about the girls, what about if the CIA or, or the Russians know we have this? They'll come after it for sure.
Craig:Maybe we should take it to someplace safer.
Stan:And then what? Hide forever from the government? From the... terrorists who want to use it for evil? Maybe... maybe nobody is meant to have this kind of power.
Blond Boy:You mean, destroy it.
Cartman:Are you guys nuts?! After everything we've gone through?!
Stan:We got it away from the girls. That's what matters. But now the right thing to do isn't using it ourselves, then we're no better than they are.
Cartman:Think of the power!
Kyle:It's too much power. For anybody. Stan's right. It has to be destroyed.
[In the woods, at a clearing. Kenny pours some propane on the fortune teller and walks back to the crowd of boys waiting nearby. He holds in his hands a detonator]
Cartman:Are we sure about this? We'll never know the future.
Stan:Nobody will. That's the way it's supposed to be. Hit it, Kenny. [Kenny hits the button, and the fortune teller explodes, but the explosion is so large it burns up trees all around and can be seen from space. Bits of wood float down from the sky, and Kenny and Cartman get up, covered in ashes.]
Cartman:Damn, Ken!
[Butters' house. Stephen takes Linda to the basement, consoling her all the while]
Stephen:Here. Here, you see? It's going to be all right. Hello... son. [Butters is shown shackled by the neck, with four chains attached to the basement walls.]
Butters:Hi Dad.
Linda:He was supposed to stay dead!
Butters:Mom, Dad, can I come upstairs now?
Stephen:Sorry, son, but... you're a demon spawn now. You're an abomination.
Butters:Can I please just have somethin' to eat? Well I'm pretty hungry.
Linda:It's... hungry.
Stephen:Yes... It must feed.
[Upstairs, front door. Stephen opens it.]
Rachel:Hello, I'm Rachel with Quality Curtains.
Stephen:[zombie-like] Oh yes. Thank you for coming.
Rachel:Which room are we looking at?
Stephen:Just follow me to the basement.
Linda:Yes. The basement. [they take her there, she goes down the stairs.]
Rachel:Oh my, it's pretty dark down here. You sure you need curtains? [sees Butters shackled up] Oh my God!
Butters:Uh hello, I'm Butters.
Rachel:Little boy, what are you doing down here? [Stephen kills Racherl with one blow from the shovel]
Stephen:[shoves Rachel's corpse closer to Butters with the shovel] Here you go, son. Eat!
Linda:What are we becoming?!
Stephen:Come on. Don't watch it eat. [they turn and go up the stairs.]
Butters:Can't I just have some Spaghetti-O's??
[End of Marjorine.]