Stephen and Linda Stotch
Mayor McDanniels and Aide
Strikers, including a Gruff Worker, a Bearded Worker, and a Beefy Worker
Mall Workers 1-7 and Wayne D
Field Reporter Tom
|[The Stotch garage, day. Butters is working on his bike, trying to make it stand out]|
|Butters:||Oh boy! This is looking so great. [Stephen enters and takes a safety vest from the coat rack by the door] Hey Dad! The big bike parade is this weekend. How's it look? First prize is $50!|
|Stephen:||What are you saying?? That our family needs cash?? I'm busting my ass trying to make ends meet! You wanna do live with Kim Kardashian?! She's better than me 'cause she's got money?! Fuck you, son! [leaves and slams the door. Butters' smile stays]|
|[The Stotch kitchen, moments later. Stephen enters and puts on the vest]|
|Linda:||Butters really loves that bike parade.|
|Stephen:||I don't need to be reminded every 10 minutes that money's tight! [Linda puts her hands together and looks down. He signs] I'm sorry. It's just this new job. It can be such a grind.|
|Linda:||consoles him You work too hard at that place.|
|Stephen:||Kids these days just don't understnd how much their parents break their back to provide.|
|Gruff Worker:||[from outside] Come on, Stotch! [Stephen goes to the front door and opens it]|
|Stuart:||You're drivin' carpool today or not?|
|Gruff Worker:||Gotta get down factory before the bell!|
|Linda:||Don't let that place work you to death.|
|[Montage, set to "Sixteen Tons" by Tennessee Ernie Ford. The four men drive to their new jobs - at the Amazon Fulfillment Center. All workers drive through checkpoints and then park. They go through turnstyles that only turn one way. The scenes then focus on Stephen, who's shown lifting boxes onto a waiting cart. Other scenes show other parts of packaging that Stephen is performing. Then they show the employees eating lunch at the cafeteria. Then scenes of automated robots working alongside the workers. A few hours more of this and Stuart goes home for the day. He pulls up to his driveway and brings Butters some things from Amazon, including Amazon Prime TV. He then goes to the kitchen to give Linda a new hand blender. At bedtime Linda looks at her phone while Stephen is at the computer ordering stuff on Amazon. Next day, the whole thing starts over again. The four men carpool to work, Stephen is at a receiving workstation then the workday is filmed in time-lapse photographs. Most of that time, Stephen is shown standing in one place. Another scene shows the outgoing boxes being stamped with the shipping information, then being sorted to their destinations. Some packages are being sent through Amazon PrimeAir, the new drone delivery service. Last scene shows Stephen driving onto his driveway and getting out just in time to see a drone deliver snother package to his door. He picks it up and gives it to Butters in the garage. It's a new horn for his bicycle]|
|[The neighborhood. Butters takes his bike out for a spin. It's got a new horn as well as reflective stars on the wheels, some playing cards sticking to a clothespin attached to the bike froma.]|
|Butters:||[joyfully] Yeah! Yippie! [Stan and friends sit on the curb. Butters honks his horn as he passes by] Hey fellas, what'dya think? [Cartman, wearing his Buddha Box, lifts it up and looks]|
|Stan:||Think about what?|
|Butters:||How my decorations are coming. The big bike parade is this weekend.|
|Cartman:||Bike parade? That's so dumb.|
|Butters:||Well, you won't think it's dumb when I win first prize. I'm goin' all out this year. I'll fiinally beat Larry Zewiski.|
|Stan:||Dude, nobody cares abot a stupid bike parade.|
|Larry:||Hey, Stotch! [everybody looks over. Larry's on a tricycle, which has several flags on it, with four rockets strapped to the rear wheels, and he's exuding confidence] You gettin' pumped for the big bike parade? [Cartman lifts up his Buddha Box and looks over] Yeah, I'm pretty excited, I guess.|
|Porsche:||Wow! Hey, nice bike, Larry.|
|Mercedes:||Are you gonna be in the bike parade?|
|Larry:||Yeah, I'm thinkin' about it. [the boys just stare.] Come on, girls. I'll show you my blue ribbons. Later, Stotch. Sucka! [he and the girls leave]|
|Butters:||[head lowered] Well, anyway... [looks at the boys] well, I'm gettin' some more things for my bike too. [lowers his head again] Um... I'll see ya, fellas. [walks away slowly. The boys watch him leave]|
|[Amazon Fulfillment Center. In the main shhipping area, Stephen shows the Tweeks the ropes]|
|Stephen:||So this is where all the main boxing and transferring happens. I'm excited to have you guys working here at the fulfillment center, Mr. and Mrs. Tweek.|
|Richard:||We really didn't have a choice. Since the fulfillment center opened, me and my wife's coffee business has gone belly-up.|
|Stephen:||Yeah, people are ordering everything online these days. That's why you'll find a lot of familiar faces working here. [they walk by Mr. Slave, who's preparing boxes for packing] Everything's automated and timed to precision to get people's orders out to them as soon as possible. This is Josh, he'll be your section manager.|
|Stephen:||In these warehouses, there are over one million items, from toothpast to Go Karts, and it's the work of both humans and machines that make the work possible. [a bos-laden amchine runs into Josh and carries him away screaming.] You'll get a message on your device which item to get, then get it to one of our loaders, and the machines do the rest. [an alarm goes off and red lights blink. Everyone stops what they're doing and looks around]|
|Bearded Worker:||We got another one!|
|Stephen:||Josh! [Josh becomes a pinball among the machines and screams everytime another machine carries him away. Stephen and the other workers run up to a chainlink wall] Hang on, Josh! [Josh is now in the conveyor system being knocked around like a package] Shut it down! Shut it down! [a beefy worker presses the shut-off button, but it fails]|
|Beefy Worker:||It's not shuttin' down. [a shipping label is stamped onto the crotch area on Josh's pants. He goes down a roller slied and stands up, at which point he's wrapped up in thin plastic sheets. He's then sent down a chute to a vat of plastic peanuts]|
|Josh:||Whoa, help me! Aaaarargargar!|
|Stephen:||Whenever there's a workplace accident, you need to fill out a 1081 form.|
|[Kenny's house at the Historic SoDoSoPa ruins, day. Kenny is now working on his back with the same kinds of trimmings Butters used. He's painting his bike blue. Cartman shows up with Stan and Kyle]|
|Cartman:||What are you doing?|
|Kenny:||(What?! You scared me, guys! What's up?)|
|Stan:||"What's up?" is I thought we agreed bike parades are stupid.|
|Kenny:||(Bike parades ARE stupid.)|
|Cartman:||Don't lie, Kenny! You saw that Larry kid scoring chicks with his bike, heard about the cash prize, and you diceded to do the bike parade behind our backs! I know 'cause I thought the same thing!|
|Cartman:||[looks down, then wanders off as somber music plays] Jesus. Is this really what it's coe down to, you guys? Whatever happened to *us*?|
|Kyle:||What do you mean?|
|Cartman:||It used to always be the four of us. Always. Now Stan's moved to a farm. I have anxiety. Kenny? Nobody really talks to Kenny. And then there's just... Kyle. We used to do everything together. What if we did this like the old days?|
|Kyle:||[music picks up] Four bikes, one common theme.|
|Stan:||We could totally own the bike parade.|
|Cartman:||If we order everything online, we can have it delivered tomorrow! [gets on his phone] We need props, pyrotechnics, the works!|
|Stan:||[pulls out his phone and starts tapping away] Yeah, and we gotta order some badass spokes and those wheel bumpers!|
|Kyle:||[pulls out his phone and starts tapping away] I'll start looking for costumes! What theme are we thinking?|
|Cartman:||Kenny, get on your mom's laptop and start ordering streamers, sparklers and rockets! Make sure everyone chips Next Day Delivery! Thi is gonna be just like the old times, you guys!|
|[Amazon Fulfillment Center, day. Celtic music plays nearby, at Crunchy's Micro Brew]|
|Singers:||Workin' me fingers to the bone, I need me a drink before goin' home|
Be back in the mornin', pack boxes at dawn, Workin' for Amazon
|Stephen:||Can I have a beer, please? Whatcha got on tap?|
|Barkeep:||Amazon, Amazon light, and Amazon IPA.|
|Stephen:||Gimme Amazon Light. I'm a Prime member. [holds up an Amazon credit card]|
|Gruff Worker:||[now with both arms bandaged up] What the fook are we doin', anyway? Breakin' our backs! Loadin' up forklifts! Gettin' paper cuts from boxes! And for what?! A measly paycheck that just barely covers our online purchases.|
|Stephen:||Yeah, well, we should be thankful we even have jobs, huh? Before the fuilfillment center opened, we really didn't have anything.|
|Gruff Worker:||We had our dignity!|
|Stuart:||[speaks up] Hey everyone! Everyone, listen! [music and all conversations stop] Amazon just posted a statement about Josh's accident. They're calling it "human error" [chatter picks up] "Amazon regrets the recent workplace accident and is working to better train its workers so that no future accidents occut."|
|Bearded Worker:||Who do they think they are?!|
|Gruff Worker:||It was the bloody machines!|
|Stephen:||[nervous chuckle] Okay, hold on, eveyrone. I'm sure there's an explanation.|
|Stuart:||This is what we've been reduced to! We are teh backbone that makes the fulfillment center work! Maybe they should see what it would be like if we didn't show up for work! [all cheer]|
|Skeeter:||We'll do ti for Jush, and so what happened to him never happens to anyone else.!|
|Stephen:||Hold on, guys. ]nervous chuckle] M-My son has a big bike parade coming up. I... I can't just not show up to work now.|
|Stuart:||What's more important to you, Stotch? A bike parade, or Josh?![leaves]|
|Stephen:||A bike parade.|
|Stuart:||Amazon workers, we are on strike! [the workers roar back in approval and cheer]|
|[Cartman's house, day. He's still in bed as the sun breaks. It's morning, and his alarm goes off. He sists up and then leaves the bed]|
|Cartman:||My stuff's here! [runs out of the room and downstairs] My stuff! My stuff! My stuff my stuff my stuff! [runs by the sofa, where Liane sits, She's sipping coffee.]|
|Cartman:||Shut up! [opens the front door and looks out, smiling] Stuff? [looks around, then steps out a bit further] Stuff? [One more look, then goes back inside and walks up to Liane] Mom, were there a bunch of packages for me?>|
|Liane:||I don't think anyone's getting packages, sweetie. Look. [Cartman looks at the TV, at the strike against Amazon]|
|Tom:||The Amazon Fulfillment Center has been shut down as hunndreds of employees refuse to work. Customers all over the state are wondering where their Amazon orers are as workers demand more respect and more money. The uprising started with a workplace accident which Amazon blamed on human error. Joining me now is the victim of the accident - Josh Carter. [wa;lks over to Josh, who is now a sentient package.] And Josh, how does it feel to have your accident spark so much upheaval?|
|Josh:||You know, Tom, I think something like this was boun to happen. There's those at the top who control the means of production, and then there's the working class that enables those means.by selling their labor power for wages. When there's conflict, the ruling class tries to blame the working class.|
|Tom:||Can you get out of the box?|
|Josh:||No, my organs have been compacted, so if the box opens, I spill out and die. I believe the working class needs to revolt against capitalism and bring about socioeconomic emancipation.|
|Tom:||Do you get hot in the box?|
|[Soth Park City Hall, day. Mayor McDanniels is making an Amazon purchase on her work iMac]|
|Mayor McDanniels:||Ship to address, order now... [receives this message] "Usually ships in..." four to six weeks?! I can make my owon damn towels in four to six weeks! [a kncok at the door, and one of her aides looks in]|
|Aide:||Mayor, you have a visitor.|
|Mayor:||Not now, I'm having provlems!|
|Aide:||Mut Mayor, it's uh, [whispers] Jeff Bezos.|
|Mayor:||[voice rises] Founder and CEO of Amazon Jeff Bezos?|
|Mayor:||Okay, okay, uh, let him in.|
|Aide:||Right on through here, Mr. Bezos. [Jeff Bezos enters. He has a long neck and a bald, veiny head, sugesting a brain so big blood vessels have to be outside the skull for it to fit. Bezos looks at the aide, and the aide leaves]
||Mayor:||Mr. Bezos~ How great to see you again! [Bezos just looks at her] How have you been?
||Bezos:||[telepathically] I wish I was doing better. Please Mayor, have a seat.
||Mayor:||Oh, thank you. [she sits in her chair, he takes a seat as well]
||Mayor:||I guess you're here because of the... strike.
||Bezos:||We had a deal, Mayor. You told me this town would be the perfect place for one of our fulfillment centers.
||Mayor:||And it has been. It it gave so many people jobs. [chuckles] And I'm not reallysure why everyone is so...
||Bezos:||[moves his head ever so slightly] Disgruntled? Dissatisfied? Unamused? Would you like to know why Amazon is so successful? Because the customer is all that matters. Now orders are going unfulfilled all over the state of Colorado. [lowers eyebrows] That makes us look very bad. [raises his eyebrows] It makes YOU look very bad. Perhaps... you should no longer be a Prime member.
||Mayor:||[pleading] Please! I-I'm trying to get everyone back to work. I-I'm going to do everything that I can.
||Bezos:||Then we have an understanding. [gets up and heads for the door] Goodbye, Mayor. If everyone stays unfilfilled, it will be you who pays the price. [opens the door and leaves. The Mayor is left stunned]
||[A cloudy day. Cartman opens the door and looks out. No packages. A new montage begins, to the tume of Trey Parker's "Unfulfilled." Cartman goes back insie and closes theh door. Mr. Tucker goes and checks his mailbox. No mail or packages. Sheila checks the status of her delivery. Her coffee maker has been deliverd, but still en route. A tear runs down her cheek. Mr. Mackey looks outside his window and sees a FedEx X truck. The driver looks back at him, then lowers his head to the steering wheel. No delivery for Mackey. Jimmy looks at the status of his delivery, but finds that it's going to take a month to reach him. He cries at his desk. Randy goes outside to get his packages, but they disappear. He got nothing. Wendy's parents sit at the diniing room table, looking depressed. No packages for them either. The strikers put on their protest and hold up their signs, but Stephen's heart isn't in it. He stands still holding a "STAND UP/STRIKE" sign. Kenny opens his front door and checks for packages, but finds none. Kyle looks out his front door and finds nothing. He closes his door. An aerial shot of the neighborhood shows no packages anywhere on the front steps of the houses. Ryan walks up to Sarah and thinks of putting his hand on her shoulder, but decides against it and leaves. The fulfillment center sits dark and silent. Officer Brown looks for packages at the front of the police station, but finds nothing.]
And now tomorrow's nothing but another day.
Somebody came and took my hopes and dreams away.
and now I'm lost, and unfulfilled.
The happiness I knew just got raped and killed.
Nothing that I have seems like enough
|[Last scene is in Cartman's room. Cartman, Stan, and Kyle wait. The door opens and Kenny walks in. The boys jump to meet him]
||Stan:||Anything? Did you get anything?
||Kenny:||(No. Nothing.) [the other three sigh]
||Cartman:||I guess it's time to face it. We aren't going to get our stuff.
||Stan:||Maybe if we reorder everything and have it shipped to a different fulfillment center-
||Kyle:||There's no time. Let's face it. We can't be in the bike parade.
||Stan:||No! I refuse to believe we have no other options. Um what...? What did we do before Amazon?
||Kenny:||(Well I don't know.)
||Stan:||I mean, before we could get whatever we wanted, where did we get stuff?
||Cartman:||At the... the ma-, the ma-ma-, the mall.
||Kyle:||Oh yeah1 The mall!
||[South Park Mall, day. It sits abandoned. The earth has begun to reclaim it. Plants break through the asphalt in the parking lot. Inside, rats run around. The doors open and the boys walk in.]
||Cartman:||Guess we haven't been to the mall in a while. [as they walk through the mall, Anita Baker's "Sweet Love" plays over the speakers.]
||Kyle:||There's nobody here.
||Stan:||There's gotta be somebody.
||Cartman:||[notices something and points] Look! It's Wiener On A Stick. [a worker pops up behind the counter and hisses, then drops back down. The boys walk up to him]
||Mall Worker 1:||[pops back up] Welcome to Wiener On A Stick.
||Kyle:||Are you the only one still at the mall?
||Mall Worker 1:||There are many, and yet none. [other workers come out of the woodwork and hiss]
||[The Stotch house, day. Linda is at the sofa knitting while Butters reads Mystery Comics. The front door opens and Stephen enters]
||Linda:||There he is! [drops her knitting and goes to Stephen]
||Butters:||Dad! [drops his comic book and goes to Stephen]
||Linda:||How did it go?
||Stephen:||They voted to keep striking. There was a run-in, violence between some of the strikers and corporate. They've decided to punish us by taking our status. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll... just coome out with is then. We're... not Amazon Prime members anymore.
||Linda:||Then what are we?
||Stephen:||Everyone involved in the strike has been dropped down one level from Prime. We're... we're now Amazon USDA Choice.
||Linda:||that's... fine. We'll be USDA Choice. It's, it's almost as good as Prime.
||Stephen:||You're a good woman for saying that. But you're a bitch because it's a lie and you're patronizing me. [goes upstairs]
||Butters:||Mom, eh if I win the first prize in the bkiek parade, I'll give the money to you guys.
||[The master bedroom, later. Stephen is at his computer, praying]
||Stephen:||Please... I don't know what else to do. My family is all that matters to me. [betting emotional] I made a promise to provide for them. What if we never get what we're asking for from the strike? [he's being observed through a hidden camera, on Alexa View] What if they just get others to do all the boxing for us?
||[At Amazon HQ, Mayor McDaniels looks at the screenw with Jeff Bezos]
||Bezos:||See how the worker begins to question his determinatiion? Without his Amazon Prime Status, he fluctuates between being and non-being.
||Stephen:||My family has to come first.
||Bezos:||Now, torn between memberships, the consumer worker will reason that the strike is pointless. Prepare a bus. We must make sure that boxers who wish to box have a safe way into the fulfillment centet.
||[South Park Mall, later. The boys are still in the abandoned mall]
||Kyle:||I think maybe it was a bad idea to come here, you guys.
||Mall Worker 2:||Why have you come to this place?
||Stan:||We came because... we need... stuff.
||Mall Worker 3:||Do you seek cosmetics?
||Mall Worker 4:||Do you need puppies?
||Mall Worker 5:||[comes up behind Stan] Sample of lotion?
||Mall Worker 5:||Why, it's lemongrass lavender.
||Stan:||No! [the worker hisses and goes back into the shadows] No, no, look. We need very specific stuff. There's a big bike parade on Saturday.
||Mall Workers:||Ohhh! Bike parade?
||Wayne D:||Ohhh! Bike parade!
||Kyle:||Yeah. And the four of us are actually doing a group theme.
||Cartman:||The cnanging faces of immigrants in Aemrica as told through bicycles.
||Mall Worker 6:||So... do you need... SHOES?
||Stan:||Yeah. Uh, color-coded specific shoes in four specific sizes.
||Mall Worker 1:||We do not have the inventory that online wholesalers can provide. [hisses]
||Cartman:||This is a waste of time, you guys.
||Kenny:||(Yeah. Shit, let's get the fuck out of here.)
||Mall Worker 7:||Please! You are the only customers we've had the pleasure of assisting since the fulfillment center opened.
||Stan:||Oh hold on a minute. You all stay here 'cause you want to work?
||Mall Worker 6:||It is... our purpose.
||Mall Workers:||Our purpose.
||Mall Worker 4:||Our purpose.
||Stan:||Wait a miinute. You guys... I think I have an idea.
||[Amazon Fulfillment Center, day. The strikers are gathered at the parking lot for another day]
||Tom:||A bus with employees wishing to return to work is about to arrive here at the fulfillment center, and the strikers are not happy. Also, dozens of Amazon customers have shown up. Angry customers who wish to be fulfilled.
||Customers:||We want our stuff! We want our stuff!
||Tom:||The customers say the boxers need to return to work because the shutdown is hurting everyone. [Randy is standing next to him]
||Randy:||I have a weed business to run! I need my shit from Amazon to make it all work!
||Josh:||At what cost, sir?! Do you care that personal worth is being reuduced by capitalists to exchange value?!
||Randy:||Oh yeah, that's typical rhetoric from a Marxist box.
||Josh:||Free trade is not free-dom! Perhaps socialism IS the answer!
||Tom:||If you pay for shipping, can you go anywhere you want?
||Stuart:||[pointing] Here comes the bus!
||Strikers:||[all turn to face the bus. Stephen is the only passenger in it, looking mighty longely]Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs! Scabs!
||Stuart:||Hey, it's Stotch! [the bus stops]
||Gruff Worker:||Ya can't do it, Stotch! Ya damned us all!
||Stephen:||[lowers a window] Don't you understand? It's not about me! It's my son!
||Gruff Worker:||If those orders get fulfilled, then we got nothin'!
||Stephen:||He's just a kid! He wants to be in the bike parade!
||Gruff Worker:||My son's in the bike parade too! [his voicce begins to crack] He's got... little tassels off the back of his seat. Tiny flgas stickin' out the handle bars. But he desrves more, Stotch! If we don't make our stand now, he doesn't have a chancce. He'll get fookin' third or fourth place or just a fockin' participation ribbon!
||Stephen:||[emotional] I'm sorry. [the bus moves forward again]
||[The fulfillment center, inside. Stephen gets to work oing all the fulfillments himself. Mayor McDanniels and Jeff Bezos look on from a catwalk above the factory floor]
||Bezos:||It is... not as I expected. Only one consumer worker broke through the picket lines. Your townspeople are more stubborn than I thought.
||Mayor:||They're... prideful people, yes.
||Bezos:||Perhaps I should give up. How I long to return to Bezos and touch butts with my wife. [the factory phone rings and he answers it] Amazon Fulfillment Center.
||Stan:||[in the parkinig lot ourside the mall. Somehow, Bezos' telepathy reaches Stan's ears] Uh yeah, hi. We ordered a bunch of stuff and we haven't gotten it.
||Bezos:||Yes, yes, the workers are striking. We're fucking working on it!
||Stan:||No, that's actually why we're calling. We know a whole bunch of people who can come work for you.
||Bezos:||[thinks a moment]<>/i> Is that sho? Now those fools will pay!
||Stan:||What fools will pay?
||Bezos:||Uh no, sorry, um... you say you have worker-consumers? willing to box?
||Stan:||Yeah, but listen: we want our stuff! We ordered a bunch of shit for the bike parade, and if we get you workers, we want them to deliever our stuff first!
||Bezos:||Very well. Stay right where you are. [hangs up, goes back to the Mayor, and stares at her for a few seconds] You didn't tell me there was a bike parade.
||Mayor:||I didn't think it was relebant.
||Bezos:||Everything is relevant when it comes to customers. [goes to Alexa View and waves his hand across the screen. Butters is shown working on his bike again]
||Josh:||The history of this world is the history of class struggles. [a shot of the strikers] Alienated from the products of their labor [a shot of the customers], from their fellow laborers and from their very seesnce [a shot of Butters working on his bike, then of Larry adding more stuff to his bike], the oppressed worker will eventually strike back at those capitalists who control the means of pruduction. [a shot of the four boys going back into South Park Mall, then of the mall workers looking on] We have nothing to lose but our chains. [a shot of the strikers paying attention] We will unite in revolution.
||Gruff Worker:||And if others try to break through the picket line?
||Josh:||[a box on a stool] Nothing else can be allowed into the fulfillment center, no matter what the cost.
||Skeeter:||We're ready to follow you, Josh.
||Josh:||Then follow me to Hell.
||[End of Unfulfilled.]