Craig and Tweek
Mayor McDaniels and Johnson
Mike and two Patrons
|[A very blurry image appears onscreen, but it begins to sharper ever so slowly... It's Cartman, thinking back over the season's events.]|
|Cartmam:||I don't know where to start. First it was all the school shootoings, then these Wi-Fi scooters showed up, and now we know that ManBearPig is real and we could all be dead in a couple of years.|
|Doctor:||[slowly] And you believe this all relates somehow to the movie Blanck Panther not being as good as everyone says it was?|
|Cartmam:||I know there's a connection. But that isn't what matters. I can't deal with people anymore. It's just... everyone sucks so hard, you know? Everybody is so stupid. And they all walk around going "Nya na chai cha nyachacha chai cha." And the only thing tha tmakes me happy, the only thing I can trust... is thhis. [holds up his phone] But... all people do is try to keep me from it. [memories show up onscreen. He's in his room at his computer... playing with his phone] I'll be in my room and my mom will come in [that scene is shown] and say "Eric, that's enough time on your phone!" [she leaves as Cartman frowns, then lowers his eyelids] And then at school, "Eric!" [he's at his phone again, in class. Ms. Nelson addresses him] "What are you doing? You can't use your phone at school!" And even my friends. My own friends! [at the playground. Stan yells to him] They'll be like "Hey Cartman! Throw us the ball. You're the goddamn quarterback!" [Cartman droops] It's like, everybody needs something from me. All I want is a little time with my phone instead of always listening to people's needy bullshit. [a second or two of slience, then Cartman looks over and sees the doctor playing with his own phone.]|
|Doctor:||Oh ahh, d'ya, sorry. Just... [puts his phone away] Uh, well, you know, young people have soe much to deal with today. I believe that what you have is... anxiety.|
|Cartmam:||Anxiety? Is that cool?|
|Doctor:||It's pretty common these days. What it really is, more than anything, is an excuse to be lazy and lame to everyone around you.|
|Cartmam:||[sits up] Oh my God, that's perfect!|
|[PC Principal's office, day. He's playing on his smartphone when a call comes in on the school's intercom]|
|PC Principal:||I'm busy. [the intercom beeps again]|
|Ms. Blaze:||Mr. Principal?|
|PC Principal:||I'm busy doing stuff! [beep] What?!|
|Ms. Blaze:||The vie principal needs to spead with you. She says it's urgent. [PC Principal sighs]|
|[The Vice Principal's office. PC Principal arrives there looking around]|
|Mr. Mackey:||[surprising him] Oh, PC Principal!|
|PC Principal:||Uh-uh yes?|
|Mr. Mackey:||Are you going in to see the vice principal? I really need to speak with her.|
|PC Principal:||Uh yeah, we just uh, we're having an important scheduling to go over.|
|Mr. Mackey:||Everything is okay witih you two? There's no more "inappropriate behavior"? You know, as a counselor, I'm here to-|
|PC Principal:||That's in the past, Mackey! We've paid our dues, and we're not hidiing anything anymore.|
|Mr. Mackey:||Mmm-m'kay. [turns left and continues on his way. PC Principal turns around and opens the door, then goes in]|
|[The Vice Principal's office, inside. The office is a nursery and the PC babies are throwing stuff around and crying.]|
|Strong Woman:||I could use a little help here!|
|PC Principal:||What's going on??|
|Strong Woman:||Riley said a word her sister felt was insensitive to Muslims. Now they're all upset.|
|PC Principal:||All right, what word did you use, Riley?!|
|Strong Woman:||She just said "aba daba."|
|PC Principal:||Look, can't we put them in a daycare?|
|Strong Woman:||Oh, yeah. That would be really smart. If anybody sees them, they're gonna figure out you're the father.|
|PC Principal:||Well maybe they won't!|
|Strong Woman:||You wanna risk that? The babies have to stay hidden because if people know the truth, thenn you're not PC and I'm not strong! [she leaves the office, looking both ways before closing the door]|
|[A restaurant, day. Cartman is at table waiting for service, but also on his phone tapping away]|
|Waiter:||[arrives, smiling] All right, can I take your order? [Cartman ignores him until he apeaks again] Excuse me. [Cartman puts his hand up for a moment] What would you like, sir?|
|Cartman:||Just a God- can you wait?! Isn't that your job?! Aren't you a wait-er?! [the waiter walks away, eyeing him. Cartman starts a video game]|
|Diner:||Hey, could you turn your phone down, kid? This is a restaurant.|
|Cartman:||It just so happens i have anxiety! That means I have tourble being around assholes who won't leave me alone! [leaves his chair]|
|[The streets downtown. Cartman walks down a sidewalk when a cyclist whizzes past him and rings the bike's bell. He looks, but lets it go and continues walking. He crosses an intersection]|
|Tele's owner:||Oh, Hello, Eric.|
|Cartman:||Shut up. I have anxiety. [approaches another intersection when an elderly man tries to get his attention]|
|Pedestrian:||Hey kid! Hey kid!|
|Cartman:||[turns around] I'm on my phone!!|
|Pedestrian:||You're about to get hit by a car! [a car goes by behind Cartman]|
|Cartman:||[just angered] All right, that's it! Everyone stop! Just fucking stop right now! [traffice stops moving and everyone stops to listen] Listen up, people! I have anxiety! That means I'm in my shell and have a hard time expressing myself! I find it difficult to engage with others! So everyone shut the fuck up, because my anxiety is up here right now!|
|[A commercial. Zen music plays as the camera pans down to a buddha statue in a garden complete with waterfall]|
|Announcer:||We live in a world of many distractions. It's hard to find peace. [next, a woman sits on a park bench on a sidewalk, listening to her phone. People all around her are listening to their phones as well] In the hustle and bustle of modern times, we've lost the one thing we all need. More quality one-on-one time with oru phone. But now you can have it with Buddha Box. [a cardboard box with a "DO NOT DISTURB" sticker on it, and a drawing of Buddha above the product name "buddha box" a woman puts it over her head] Simply fit the patented box on your head and set its bluetooth to your mobile device. Inside Buddha Box, your phone is projected two inches from your face, and the noise-cancelling headphones let you hear your phone without any outside noise, giving you peace from... that annoying Uber driver who wants to talk, those people at work who act like they need stuff.|
|Man:||I want to be enlightened, like the Buddha, but I've got these fucking kids. [next scene has him wearing a Buddha Box while his wife deal with their children during dinner at home]|
|Announcer:||Let Buddha Box take you to a place of peace and serenity, where you can have quality, uninterrupted time with your phone. [the man is now shown floating in the air wearing his Buddha Box]|
|Woman:||I was atressed out and feeling anxious. After just 8 to 10 hours in Buddha Box, I reel refreshed and ready to take on anyting.|
|Husband:||Baby, can you please come say hi to my mother while she's here? [she just reaches over and drops the Buddha Box on her head and picks up her phone]|
|Announcer:||Urder Buddha Box today and you too can have that quiet, quality time with your phone. Like... the Buddha.|
|[South Park Elementary, day. Cartman stands in the hallway with his Buddha Box on. Kevin walks past him, staring. Kyle and Stan walk around the corner and stop when they reach him]|
|Kyle:||What the hell is that?|
|Stan:||I think it's Cartman|
|Kyle:||What is it doing?|
|Cartman:||[out loud, but the Buddha Box is soundproof, so no one else can hear him] Ha! That's so sweet! That video seriously made me laugh! [closes the app] Let me check my e-mal again! Oh man, nothing from Lorenz yet? Whatever. Weak. Oh! I gotta see that post from Clyde again! [goes and opens that app - "Guess who I found? #dead" and a picture of Butters on his back on the show. Kyle an Stan stay by him until the bell rings, then they go to class.]
||[The boys bathroom. Clyde is at the urinal. Somehow, Cartman makes his way insie and waners over to the urinals. He stands right next to Craig and drops trou.]
||Craig:||Dude! [Cartman bumps into him] Dude, what the hell are you doing?!
||Cartman:||What? What? Who is that?
||Craig:||Get off of me!!
||Cartman:||[raises his Buddha Box] Oh, sorry Craig. Didn't see you there.
||Craig:||Yeah, 'cause you got a stupid box on year head! [finishes up, zips up his pants, and flusehs the urinal, then walks away]
||Cartman:||Oh, there's nothing stupid about it. Don't you wish you had a way to deal with your anxiety?
||Craig:||[stops, then turns around] My anxiety?
||Cartman:||I see it in you, Craig. With your parents and relatiionships? Imagine being able to shut them out for a little while, Craig, so you can focus on what matters. With Buddha Box you can cut out all the unwanted noise. Not have to deal with conversations that are of no interest to you.
||Craig:||Well, I have to admit: sometimes, when me and Tweek are together it's... it's like he wants my atte- [Thump. Cartman has lowered his Buddha Box over his head. Craig turns around, dismayed, and walks out. Cartman turns left and steps up to the urinal]
||[The Fourth Grade classroom, day. The bell rings and Ms. Nelson walks up to the chalkboard to erase the multipilcation problems that were there]
||Ms. Nelson:||All right, children, we have a lot to go over for today's quiz. Who can tell me where we left off? [turns aroun and notices Cartman wearing his Buddha Box] Eric. [no reaction] Eric Cartman.
||Cartman:||[talking to his phone in the Buddha Box] Thirty-four million dollars box office? How the hell does Creed II do $34 million opening weekend? [begins to flip through his apps] What's the weather like tomorrow? Oh, it's snowing? I gotta tell Lorenz. I- [the Box comes off his head, and the light blinds his eyes] Whoa, whoa! Hey!
||Ms. Nelson:||What do you think you're doing?
||Cartman:||Excuse me, that's my Buddha Box
||Ms. Nelson:||You aren't using this during class time.
||Cartman:||It relazes me. Ask my therapist. I have anxiety, you dumb bitch! [the other students' jaws drop]
||[The Principal's office. Cartman has earned a trip there for calling his teacher a dumb bitch]
||PC Principal:||I don't know what makes you think you're different from everyone else, but nobody gets away with slandering teachers at this school!
||Cartman:||[to his phone] Uhuh. Aw man, that looks, that looks sweet.
||PC Principal:||Hey! [no reaction] HEY! [Cartman peeks out from under the box, then looks at PC Principal]
||Cartman:||Oh, PC Principal. Hello.
||PC Principal:||Just what do you think you're doing?
||Cartman:||[as Zen music plays] I'm letting go of strees and being calm, like the Buddha.
||PC Principal:||There are no boxes on your head in school!
||Cartman:||Hey. Whoa man, what's going on. Are you suffering from anxiety?
||PC Principal:||What are you talking about.
||Cartman:||It's okay. I have it too. Anxiety is very real. But there is help for people like us.
||[Strong Woman's living room, day. The PC Babies have taken over it and are causing damage as PC Principal sits on the sofa wearing a Buddha Box. Strong Wooman comes in and surveys the damage]
||Strong Wooman:||What the fuck are you doing?! [walks up and removes the Box from his head] Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!
||PC Principal:||Oh hey, I just needed to answer a couple of e-mails really fast.
||Strong Wooman:||With a box on your head?!
||PC Principal:||I got one for you, too. [gets off the sofa and gets it to show her] It's Buddha Box. [no reaction] Look, you and I have been having a lot of problems. Clearly, what we both need is more quality one-on-one time with our phones.
||Strong Wooman:||I don't need a box on my head to use the phone!
||PC Principal:||I'm sorry! [takes the box to the sofa and dumps it there] I was trying to be helpful! [gets his Buddha Box and leaves. One of the girls tries to pull a rabbit away from one of her brothers]
||Strong Wooman:||All right, Riley. Give that back to your brother. [the brother chases Riley. Another brother goes to an end table and pulls the lamp off it, breaking the light bulb] Bailey, no! [a third brother sees some paper wads and begins to chew on one of them] Harper, don't! Har-per! [picks up her phone and starts using it. Then she looks at the Buddha Box and puts it on her head. The babies stop crying and begin to crawl or walk away. They pass by the restroom. Riley stops to open the door to show PC Principal on the toilet, and Harper looks on. They then move out]
||[Montage. The babies leave the house and wander the town. Bailey sits on a mailbox drop slot. Riley slides off the hood of a car. Harper somehow got on the roof of a building. The other sister walks out of a shop. The kids then take a submarine and ride it in an aquarium with fish and an octopus in it. They study some restrooms and cry over the designations. Next, they're in a children's library as the librarian brings out Huckelberry Finn. The babies cry again. Finally the PC Babies logo comes up]
||Lead Singer:||They're comin' to your town
||Lead Singer:||The wokest kids around|
When there's something problematic
They're sure to let you know.
Making things fun and gender-neutral
|All:||Everywhere they go|
They're everybody's fave-sies
They're PC babies, yeah!
|[Crunchy's Micro Brew, day.]
||Patron 1:||Hey Mike. What's that you're drinking?
||Mike:||This? Oh, it's a Cosmopolitan. I know, I know, it's a pussy drink. [some babies are hear crying.]
||Patron 2:||[leans in a bit to say] Hey, be careful, guys. There's some PC babies over there. [the three gents apporach the babies.]
||Mike:||Oh great. Come on, I didn't mean pussy drink as in female genitalia. [the babies don't stop] Okay, I'm sorry! I'll order a Black Russian! [babies cry harder]
||Barkeep:||Hey, what's all that racket down there?!
||Patron 1:||Oh, there's some PC babies upset about certain drink descriptions.
||Barkeep:||Fine, we'll take them off the menu.
||Patron 1:||Who's makin' a difference? Who's the future? [this brightens the babies' moods.]
||[A soccer field, day. The South Park Cows are facing a visiting team. Kyle and Stan kick the ball back and forth until a visiting player intercepts it and drives toward the Cows' net.]
||Kyle:||Here it comes! Block it! [the player kicks the ball towards the net. Cartman stands there oblivious that there's a game going on. The ball goes cleanly into the net. The player smiles as the whistle blows.] What the fuck, dude?!
||Token:||What is your goddamn problem?! [he, Kyle, and Stan move towards him]
||Cartman:||[lifts up his Box] What's going on?
||Kyle:||They just scored again, you fat fuck!
||Cartman:||Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm dealing with my anxiety! Do you know how hard it is for people with my condition to come out and even do things like this?! Living with anxiety is awful, huh Craig? [Craig is shown wearing a Buddha Box]
||Kyle:||Can we get another goalie, please?!
||Cartman:||Oh yeah! Sure! Yeah, because people with anxiety shouldn't be allowe play sports! Right, Kyle?! [A Buddha Box sits on Kyle's head.] You know, our world is dark and scary enough without people like you making us feel inferior. [drops his Box over his head again, but lifts it up real quuickly.] Asshole! [backdown the Box goes]
||Token:||Fuck this! [walks off angrily] My parents didn't come here to see their son lose by 20 points! Come on, Dad. Let's go! [his anger vanishes] Dad? [Steve is wearing his own Buddha Box]
||[Downtown, day. PC Principal drives Strong Woman through town searching for the babies]
||Strong Woman:||River?? Bailey?! Emory?!
||PC Principal:||It's okay. We're gonna find them.
||Strong Woman:||I can't believe you were on your phone!
||PC Principal:||You were on your phone too!
||Strong Woman:||It was my time to be on the phone! You were on yours all morning!
||PC Principal:||You're seriously gonna make this all my fault?!
||PC Principal:||Becuase last time I checked, you didn't even want me aroun as a partner to the PC Babies, even though I-
||Strong Woman:||[rolls her eyes] Oh God, I'm not doing this again.
||PC Principal:||Even though you need me to do shit for you every [Strong Woman drops her Box over her head] 10 fuckin' minutes! You don't get to just say whatever you- [notices she's no longer listening] Oh. Okay, cool. Fine with me! I'm the one who has a fuckin' problem on their fuckin' phone! [looks at the scenery for a few seconds] You know, usually, I'm afraid to tell you what I really think, but you wanna know something? [looks over] You wanna- you wanna know what I really think? [at no point did Strong Woman remove her Box, and he just drops it.]
||[The Park County Recreation Center, day. The doctor is seated with several couples who need help - Tweek and Craig, Liane and Cartman, Ryan and Sarah, Token and Steve, Craig, Cartman, Sarah, and Steve are wearing Buddha Boxes]
||Doctor:||Anxiety can make you feel unable to cope. But living with someone who has anxiety can be a bit of a roller coaster as well. We have to support our loved ones with their anxiety and try to understand their illness.
||Tweek:||I just feel that Craig has changed so much lately! He barely even talks to me anymore!
||Doctor:||Well, because his anxiety make him feel like anything he says might sound wrong. That's why we must nurture our loved ones, so they feel safe.
||Liane:||Eric, I just feel like you have so much to offer the world, and it kills me that you're so afraid to let your inner you shine.
||Cartman:||[talking to his Buddha Box] Heh heh, that guy's such a douche. What was that... what was that one show he was on?
||Doctor:||Maybe you, you wanna text him that? [Liane picks up her phone and sends Cartman a message]
||Cartman:||Oh yeah, that's it. B.J. snf the Bear. That show was so dumb. What kind of monkey was that, anyway? What was that- what was that monkey he always had- Wait. What the? What the hell is this? Oh God damnit. [lifts up his Box] Mom, will you stop texting me? I'm trying to relax!
||Doctor:||Look, we're all just trying to understand this condition, and it's like you're not listening!
||Cartman:||We're doing everything we can to keep our anxiety under control! Do you think I even wanna be here right now?! I am freaking out!
||Token:||Can we go now?
||Cartman:||[to his Buddha Box] Heheh, yeah. That's pretty cool.
||[A construction site, day. The workers sit around until the foreman walks up]
||Foreman:||Hey! Hey, what's goin' on here?! Why aren't you people workin'?!
||Laborer 1:||We can't keep buildin', sir. We got a bunch of protesters who won't let us work.
||Laborer 1:||Ah, it's just a bunch of PC babies who think building this thing is wrong. [leads the foreman to the babies, who are all crying]
||Foreman:||All right, all right! What do you PC babies want? [the crying continues]
||Laborer 1:||I guess they're upset because the new viaduct is being financed by a state rather than a county institution.
||Foreman:||Aw, come on PC Babies! Why does that matter?! [the crying continues]
||Laborer 1:||I guess the state refused to finance a proposed program on race-relation education, an they see it as hypocritical.
||Foreman:||God damnit, not everyone cares about race-relation programs! Come on, PC Babies! We got a job to do! [the babies aren't budging and continue to cry]
||[Park County Police Station. One officer walks around with a Buddha Box on his head while a desk officer talks to PC Principal and Strong Woman]
||Desk Officer:||All right, all right, just calm down, lady! You want to file a missing persons report?
||Strong Woman:||No! No, we don't want to file anything specific. We just need help fiding some PC babies.
||Desk Officer:||PC babies? They usually hang out at the liberal arts colleges. You could find some there.
||Strong Woman:||Nono, kt's five specific PC babies.
||Desk Officer:||Tony, wasn't there a report of some PC babies down at the Mexican border?
||Strong Woman:||No! No, thees PC babies wouldn't have gotten that far! They can barely walk. I'm their mother.
||Desk Officer:||Hokay, okay. Last name?
||Desk Officer:||First name?
||Strong Woman:||[with a breaking voice] Strong.
||Desk Officer:||Okay, and you're the father?
||PC Principal:||I'm her superior at work!
||Strong Woman:||on't be ridiculous!
||PC Principal:||You think I took advantage of my posotion?!
||Strong Woman:||I'm not some two-bit floozy who goes aroun sleeping with her boss! I am a strong woman! Those kids were born naturally by in-vitro fertilization. [they begin to talk over ||PC Principal:||I'm not Harvey Weinstein, all right?! I have nothing but respect for females at my workplace, and I would never compromise that position!
||Strong Woman:||We'll uh, see what we can do. In the meantime you'll just have to take a seat and wait. [they go and find two seats next to a man wearing a Buddha Box. They look around, find some Buddha Boxes on the floor, and put them on.]
||[Pi Pi's Water Park, day. A line of people awaits a ride down a water slide. At the head of the line now are Cartman, Kyle, and Stan. Cartman has his Buddha Box on and isn't getting on the slide]
||Kyle:||Go! [no reaction] GO! [thumps the Box to get Cartman's attention]
||Cartman:||What do you want?
||Kyle:||Go down the slide or get out of the way!
||Cartman:||You think I even want to be here, Kyle?! My therapist told me I need to force myself to go out and do things to overcome my anxiety!
||Kyle:||Can we move him, please?!
||Cartman:||Oh! Oh, I see! People with anxiety shouldn't be allowed at water parks. Is that itk, Kyle? [jumps out of line] Hey everybody! Just so you know, Kyle thinks people with anxiety should just stay home! Yeah! I'm trying to come out of my shell, but Dr. Kyle here is just worried about his place in line.
||[Pi Pi's New York Splash, later. Cartman is sunning himself on a towel poolside with his Buddha Box.]
||Kyle:||[approaching] Get! Off! My! Towel! [knocks the Buddha Box off Cartman's head] Get off my towel!
||Cartman:||God damnit! I seriously can't get a minute of peace! [goes to flip his Box uprigt as Kyle folds the towel up] Why is it that people who don't have a Buddha Box are always flipping Buddha Boxes off the heads of people with anxiety?!
||Kyle:||[Stan, Clyde, and Token look on] I got new for you, Cartman! Everyone has anxiety! Everyone gets nervous! Everyone is afraid being around people! Everyone has feelings they'd rather stay home alone! And you know what they do? They get over it. And they stop being a piece of shit!
||Cartman:||[subdued] Everyone has anxiety?
||Cartman:||Oh my God. I know what I have to do now. Yo-you're right, kyle! You're right! [hurries away]
||Kyle:||What? No. No! What did I just do?
||Stan:||Should have just let him be on his phone, dude.
||[Spinny Mountain Records, day]
||Record Producer:||You know what the kids like today? They like music that matters! i thnk you guys got what it takes to be the next big thing! The PC Babies! [the babies cry] That's what I'm talkin' about! That stuff is raw! Everyone loves you, PC Babies! We're gonna make you famous!
||[The recording booth, moment later.]
||Sound Engineer:||All right, PC Babies, let's hear what you got. [Music plays as the babies start thrashing about and cry. Riley's on drums, Bailey's on banjo, Harper's on the piano, the other girl is on the triangle, and the third boy is on the xylophone. After a few seconds of recording, the sound engineer and the record producer hi-five each other.]
||[South Park Police Station, day. The desk officer is listening to the radio]
||DJ:||All right, South Park, and now here's that special treat we told you about. Live with us in the studio is a hot new band: The PC Babies. They're gonna perform their new song, which is about the injustice of white people in dreadlocks. It's called "Weeaaagh." [the song recorded earlier plays. Strong Woman and PC Principal notice]
||Strong Woman:||[raises her Buddha Box] Riley?
||PC Principal:||[raises his Buddha Box] Tha-that's Bailey!
||Desk Officer:||It's teh PC Babies. Guess they're all the rage now.
||PC Principal:||Cone on! [the couple bolts from their chairs]
||[The Mayor's Office, day. Cartman is talking to the Mayor and her aides, wearing a robe and towel, with his Buddha Box beside him]
||Cartman:||To quiet one's mind, one must have a dialog with one's self. I have found enlightenment. But there are so many others who suffer. It's very important to take the time to shut out the outside world. In the Hindu religion, there's a saying, "namaste." It means "fuck you, I have anxiety." At first I thought it was only a few of us, but then something was said to me by Kyle. He said "Eric, my friend, everyone has anxiety." I know what you're thinking: "Fuck Kyle." And normally I would agree with you, but hear his words. Everyone has anxiety. We must recognize this desease as an epidemic. Yes, fuck Kyle, but Mayor, we have to raise money to get everyone who has anxiety the tools they need to cope.
||Mayor McDaniels:||And how do YOU think we get that money? How do YOU sggest we do this?
||Cartman:||Fuck you too.
||[WXFU 88.3, day. The babies and the record producer head towards the exit.]
||Record Producer:||That was far out, PC Babies! You really rocked the airwaves! Now come on! We got a photo shoot at 5! [PC Principal and Strong Woman burst through the doors]
||PC Principal:||Kide! [they run past the producer towards the kids.]
||Strong Woman:||You're okay! Thank God!
||Record Producer:||Who the hell are you??
||Strong Woman:||I'm their... vice principal.
||PC Principal:||Yea, and ah-I'm their principal. We need to get these kids back to school.
||Record Producer:||You can't do that! These are the PC Babies! Don't you know how big they are?! In just one day they protested a bar, stopped construction of a problematic viaduct, and wrote a hit single about cultural appropriation!
||Strong Woman:||They.... did all that?
||PC Principal:||Oh my God. They had their first protests... and we missed it. We missed everything because... we were on our phones.
||Strong Woman:||I've always used the phone as a way to deal with the stress of having babies nobody could know the truth about, but... it's only made it worse.
||PC Principal:||You know what we have to do, right?
||Strong Woman:||Yeah, I think so.
||[South Park Elementary, day. a TTA meeting is taking place]
||PC Principal:||All right everyone, listen up. The vice principal and I have been discussing student health, and it's our firm belief that they need, and what we all need, is less time on our phones. [the attendees are shown, every last one of them in a Buddha Box tapping away on their phones.] Yes, yes I know it's an unpopular idea, but just hear me out, please. Our phones are the cause of stress, not the relief from it. We are banning phones and Buddha Boxes, and we suggest you all strictly limit their use at home as well. [continued constant tapping]
||Strong Woman:||[observing the room] I don't think anyone's listening to you.
||PC Principal:||Yeah... Nobody's listening. And nobody's watching.
||Strong Woman:||I guess we can wait and ban the boxes tomorrow? [they kiss]
||[Montage. "Today" by Brad Paisley begins to play. While they kiss, people on the sidewalk in front of the school walk around wearing Buddha Boxes. PC Principal check to see if the coast is clear, then pulls Strong Woman and the five babies out. With everyone wearing Buddha Boxes, the family walks around town happy and free. Next they walk through Downtown. A man crosses the street and is struck by a car, fliping over it and landing on his stomach. Both driver and pedestrian are wearing Buddha Boxes. The parents just gather up the PC babies, knowing they're safe from harm. Next, they're having a picnic at the park. Next, they're in Aspen skiing down the bunny slope. One of the babies slips, and everyone else follows suit. Next, they walk past a fire pit in the lodge. Last scene is of the family eating at Buca de Fagoncini]
||[End of Buddha Box.]