Mitgeschrieben und dem Planearium zur Verfügung gestellt von Willie Westwood (South Park Scriptorium)

Episode 2002 - Skank Hunt


Mr. Mackey
Gerald (Skankhunt42) and Sheila Broflovski
Campaign Boss
Campaign Worker
CNN Anchor
Douche and Turd neighbors
Dr. Schroeder
Freja Øllengård

[South Park Elementary, night. A PTA meeting is underway, with Dr. Wayne Schroeder speaking. The topic: "Is my child a TROLL?" Dr. Schroeder stands next to a projector scree. Near him are PC Principa, Mr. Adler, and Mr. Mackey]
Dr. Schroeder:Nobody is safe, nobody can hide from these monsters. Internet trolls are truly predators of society. As parents, we find it hard to believe our children are doing these things online, and that is why I've been asked to come and speak to you about the student who has been trolling your school message boards. [click. A new image pops up, of a mother and daughter. The daughter is Heidi, and her mom's face has been altered to have a penis in her mouth] This troll is known only as Skankhunt42. We believe it probable he's one of the boy students here, since his favorite target seems to be women. Here you can see Heidi Turner's photoshopped with a penis in her mouth after she defended her daughter's right to sit out the National Anthem. [a chorus of concerned Ooohhhs goes up] Since then this child has been trolling all over the Internet, visiting message boards and social media, and filiing it with vile comments and hate-fille garbage. [the camera pans from left to right. Only Gerald is smiling] But trolling is on the rise with teenagers ane we all need to come together to stop it. We need every parent to look for signs in their own child? In order for us to find these secretive monsters we meed all parents to ask themselves "Could my child... be a troll?".
[The drive home. Gerald and Sheila discuss the meeting as Gerald drives.]
Sheila:My God [looks out her window], what children are capable of now. What kind of hate would have to be in that child's heart?
Gerald:Well, you never know. Could be someone who just... kinda thinks it's funny to stir the pot and watch everyone freak out. [Sheila blinks and looks at him quizzicaly] Uh, yyou know, maybe the fact that it's so not funny somehow makes it funny? To kids? Gosh, I I certainly don't understand it. [glances away for a moment]
[On a snowy bridge at night, Heidi looks at her iPhone. On it is a tweet from Butters showing her the photoshopped image of her and her mom. She looks at it for a few seconds, then puts the phone away. She walks to the edge of the bridge and looks down at the river below. She pulls out her iPhone again and tweets something. The camera pans up and you hear the soft splash of something dropping in the water. Two doves fly by overhead]
[South Park Elementary, day. Police are all over the school. Two of them talk to Mrs. Nelson while a third talks to Mr. Adler. Kyle turns a corner and comes into view. Bebe and another girl are crying by their lockers. Kyle sees Stan and Clyde]
Kyle:Dude, what's goin' on?
Clyde:You didn't hear?
Kyle:Hear what? What happened?
Stan:Heidi Turner. She... she quit Twitter.
Kyle:Oh no. [behind them, Heidi comes into view and walks by them]
Stan:Yesterday after school, she wrote one last tweet that said "Goodbye forever" and then just... got off, for good.
Kyle:She'll- get back on.
Stan:No dude, she threw her phone in the river. She's, she's gone.
[The school library, later. Mr. Mackey has the fourth graders in there and is talking to them about the incident]
Mr. Mackey:Alright students, I know we're all dealin' with the loss of a good friend. We have to accept the fact that Heidi won't be on social media anymore. I know we're all gonna miss her, m'kay. We're gonna miss... seeing what she's up to. Miss seein' those silly pictures she'd post of her and her friends, m'kay. [Bebe begins to cry. Red consoles her] But this is what can happen when someone gets bullied online to the point they just can't go on anymore. [Kyle glares at Cartman, who doesn't notice] I know that some of you are feelin' anger, okay. Some of you are fellin' a little guilty [Annie, Wendy, and Nichole are angry], askin' how somethin' like this could happen. But the best thing we can do for Heidi is come together as friends and as students, m'kay? So now why don't we all get on Twitter, okay, and just tweet some of the... things we loved about Heidi, okay? [Bebe sobs again as the other students whip out their phones and start tweeting] Okay. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Oh, that's a good one, Sarah. Uh huh. That says it. That's a pretty poem. Nice, Butters. Oh, Heidi would have loved this so much. This is so special, okay.
[Lunchtime, and the kids are in the cafeteria, eating. The girls are noticeably upset. Jimmy. Craig, Kyle, Clyde, Cartman, Stan, Butters, and Token are seated at the same table.]
Stan:Okay. Can we all agree now that [fixes his eyes on Cartman. Cartman looks back] whoever is doing this needs to stop?!
Cartman:Totally you guys. This has gone far enough. The girls are really pissed off at us. [sips from his milk carton]
Stan:So tonight, whoever is doing this isn't going to do it again! 'Cause if he does, we're gonna have to do something about it!
Cartman:You hear that, guys? It better not happen again tonight. I am SO seriously.
[Ike's room, everning. Ike is at his computer playing a game]
Gerald:Ike, can I talk to you? [enters the room and sits on Ike's bed] Come on, pull up a chair. [Ike leaves his desk and hops onto the bed] You know, we had a big parent meeting at the school tonight, and ah... apparently... there's someone trolling the schbool message boards and... putting... penises in people's mouths. [long pause] And whoever it was then got a BIG reaction from it, so... he's now- putting- penises in people's mouths all over the Internet and... he’s actually gettin' pretty famous. Sooo, Annie Jerkins' mother started an online campaign to stop Internet troling with her and her daugher, and you know what happened? She got a dick in her mouth. [giggles] Okay, okay, I know it's just guy humor stuff, you know. We can laugh about it here, but it is serious too. [stands up and pats Ike on the back] Well, love ya pal. Get to sleep, it's a school night. [leaves, then looks back one last time before closing the door]
[The hallway. Sheila is waiting outside Ike's doo.]
Gerald:Oh hey.
Sheila:Did ya talk to him?
Gerald:Yeah, yeah we talked. It was good.
Sheila:Oh, that's good.
Gerald:Yeah! Well, I'd better go and get some of my work done.
Sheila:Oh, right right, yeah.
Gerald:Yeah, don't wait up. I'll be a while with these stupid case profiles.
Sheila:Alright, night Gerald.
Gerald:Night sweetie. [leans down a bit so she can kiss him, then stands up straight as she leaves. He turns and goes to his home office.]
[Gerald's home office. He goes in and adjusts the dimmer switch to low light, goes to his record shelf under the turntable, pulls out a Boston vynil record and puts it on the turntable. He then goes up to a large globe and flips it open to reveal several wine bottles and glasses. He pulls out a Rustic Classic and a glass, pours himself some wine, swishes it and sniffs it. The record begins to play, he sits at his computer, intertwines his fingers and flexes them, palms out. He puts on his glasses and gets to work. He starts with Yahoo! message boards and moves on to Facebook, He stops at Mona Yosef's page, then at Gavin Lewis' page. Then he gets a mesage...]
WeAllScream_07:Hey just wanna remind everyone about the ice cream social to benefit homeless teens. Looking for volunteers.
maddies_mommy018:This is my daughter at the triathlon today! Go little girl!
[This continues for quite some time. Women from all over begin to get upset over his posts]
Voiceover:You've been dickslapped!
[a couple is out dining when the woman sees a Skankhunt42 post and gets upset. She shows it to her date, who also gets upset. Gerald is getting so inspired he gets a second computer going and plays them like musical keyboards. A man in his own bathroom sees a Skankhunt42 post and gets upset. Now Gerald is setting off F-bombs online. Annie sees a Skankhunt42 post and gets upset. A shot of two elephants who are making love. Gerald hicks his chair out of the way and sets off another F-bomb. He then photoshops another woman's head with a penis in her mouth, then sets off a third F-bomb. Then he imagines himself playing the computer keyboards on stage with Boston, then a shot of a fire juggler, then a volcanic explosion, and he's done. He yawns and leaves his office.]
[The school playground, day. Wendy paces back and forth as the other girls air their greivances to her]
Bebe:You should've seen what he said about my mother, on her Instagram! Pages and pages of disgusting things!
Annie:This is an attack on all of us! It's time to make the boys suffer!
Wendy:It has to be swift and serious! We have to make a statement. The girls of South Park aren't going to be treated like afterthoughts anymore!
Annie:This has gone on too long and it's time to do something!
Girls:Yeah! [the boys listen in from a distance. They are the eight seated at the cafeteria table a few days earlier, minus Cartman]
Clyde:What do you think they're talking about?
Butters:They're talking about how they're gonna get us! Whattaya think? That's how the world works now. You get blamed for the group you belong to! Even if you didn't do nothin'!
[The boys' room, later. The boys are inside, away from the girls. Stan paces the floor, angry like the other boys.]
Kyle:What are we gonna do about it?! The girls wanna see Cartman punished, so we have to prove it's him!
Craig:We're never gonna prove that, and you know it. We HAVE to make him stop!
Butters:He's not gonna stop! He's lovin' all lthis! He wants the girls to hurt us!
Clyde:Then let's end it.
Jimmy:Whattaya mean?
Clyde:Cartman is the cause of all our problems! Always! We all know what has to be done! [Stan stops pacing and his anger leaves] It's not like we haven't talked about it before! Fantasized about how we'd do it.
Kyle:Yeah, but not like we'd actually do it.
Stan:Clyde's right.
Kyle:Stan, you can't be thinking that we-
Stan:What else do we do, Kyle? You know better than anybody what a monster he is.
Token:He pushed everyone too far!
Butters:It's him, or us!
Kyle:Are we seriously talking about doing this?
Craig:How would we ever get away with it?
Stan:We do it out in the woods. I know how to get him to go.
[The school hallway. Cartman rests against his locker listening to music on his iPhone. The other seven boys stop by]
Cartman:Sup dudes?
Stan:After school, we're gonna go to my uncle's cabin. In the woods. We're gonna have a slumber party and play Counter Strike with no one around to bother us.
Cartman:[stands up] Are you serious?! All-night broship Counter Strike party?! That's fuckin' sweet! Does you uncle's cabin have good wifi?
Stan:Yeah. But, don't tell anyone where you're going. We don't want adults to know 'cause there's gonna be a ton of junk food.
Cartman:BROS! Dude, that's so awesome! This is gonna be the best night ever! [grins big]
[Mr. Mackey's office, later. He's at his desk looking lovingly at his member berries]
Berries:'Member TIE fighters? Ohhh, 'member Jawas? 'Member? Hey, 'member Jurassic Park? Oh, you loved Jurassic Park. 'Member Jeff Goldblum? I 'member Jeff Goldblum, he was fantastic. I love Jeff Goldblum. 'Mmeber?
Mr. Mackey:[eats a berry] Mmyeah... [the door opens and Scott Malkinson walks in. Mr. Mackey puts the berries away]
Scott:I can't do this anymore! I can't take it! [paces nervously in circles]
Mr. Mackey:Oh, uh, hi Scott.
Scott:[takes a seat] Nobody ever pays attentiion to me! Nobody cares! I just wanna end it all!
Mr. Mackey:Scott, come on. We've talked about this. You don't wanna quit Twitter.
Scott:Why not? Everyone would be happier if I did.
Mr. Mackey:Who'd be happier?
Mr. Mackey:Well what about your parents, huh? How do you think they'd feel if you quit Twitter?
Scott:I don't think they'd even notice!
Mr. Mackey:Of course they'd notice. They'd be sad, uhkay? They'd be sad. You've got so much ahead of you, Scott. So many posts and tweets still ahead a'you. You haven't even started to see what social media has to offer you. Ehh you can't, you can't just end it all. Not now.
Scott:...You're right, I guess I don't wanna quit Twitter.
Mr. Mackey:There you go, okay? But now you come back here any time you're havin' bad thoughts, okay?
Scott:[stands up] Okay, thanks. [turns and leaves. Mr. Mackey reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out the berries. Three seceonds later Scott's back in the office in a panic, and Mr. Mackey puts the berries away] Twiter would be better off without me! I'm quitting!
Mr. Mackey:Okay, okay, now Scott
Scott:What's the point?! Better to just end it all now!
Mr. Mackey:Ohhhkayy.
[The woods, afternoon. The eight boys walk along a path silently. Only Cartman is smiling]
Cartman:This is gonna be so awesome. Just hanging with the bros playing Counter Strike all night. Alone in the woods. You pumped, Token?
Token:Yeah, I'm really excited.
Cartman:I'm totally gonna do massiive pwnage. Whoever's on my team will will be stoked! My laptop's so fast it doesn't lag at all. I can jump around like a pwnage powerhouse.
Clyde:I'm sure you will.
Cartman:You guys all seem kind of, like, bummed out. Is everything cool?
Stan:Everything's fine, Cartman. We'll just get there sooner if maybe we don't talk much.
Cartman:Okay, cool. We're going a long way to play Counter Strike. Guess it's sweet though. There won't be any adults to screw it up for us. How much further now?
Kyle:We're almost there.
Cartman:This place has sweet wifi, right? It's gonna be so awesome. [the scene ends in an amazing sunset]
[The big city, day. The camera looks up a skyscraper. Inside is a Hillary Clinton campaign office. ]
Campaign Worker:Oh my God! Oh my God oh my God!
Campaign Boss:What's wrong?
Campaign Worker:Someone keeps trolling our campaign site. He just keeps leaving horrible comments, and now he's attacking me personally!
Campaign Boss:Ohhh, don't let him get to you.
Campaign Worker:Don't let him?? He took a picture I posted and put a dick in my mouth! Who does that?!
Campaign Boss:Someone who probably still lives with his mother and hates himself. He obviously has nothing better to do. Just let him wallow in his own misery.
[The Broflovski house, day. Gerald steps out, being anything but miserable. He breathes in deep and exhales.]
Gerald:Ahh. [begins to strut down the street as "Steal My Sunshie" plays. A car honks behind him and he steps back onto the sidewalk]
Driver:Get out of the street, idiot!
Gerald:[makes a quick Victory sign with his right hand] Sorry! My bad! [he crosses the street to where two neighbors are bickering over the Presidential candidates and walks past them]
Douche neighbor:You've got to be an idiot to want to vote for that piece of garbage!
Turd neighbor:You're brain dead! You're voting for the terrorists!
Douche neighbor:Are you kidding me?! She's an idiot!
Turd neighbor: You're voting for the terrorists! [Gerald reaches a stop light where he has the right of way, but almost walks into a passing cyclist. He stops to let him by]
Gerald:Haha. No worries. [he reaches the supermarket and picks up a few items. He walks by some member berries.]
Berries:'Member the cantina? Oh, I 'member. 'Member teh star destroyers? Yeah, I loved star destroyers! 'Member? [Gerald reaches the checkout line and finds himself behind a coupon shopper]
Shopper:I have a coupon for that too. And and those are six for $4 with this coupon. [notices Gerald behind her] Sorry.
Gerald:No. Please, it's no problem at all. [walks back home with his bags and a spring in his steps]
[Mr. Mackey's office. He's looking a bit weary as he locks up for the day. Scott reaches him as he's about to leave]
Scott:I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna quit Twitter; I mean it this time!
Mr. Mackey:Oh, Scott, uh ih it's sorta after hours, okay?
Scott:They all laugh at me. They won't be laughing when I do it! I'll show them!
Mr. Mackey:[sighs] Alright Scott, come on inside, mkay... [unlocks the office door, lets Scott inside, and follows him in]
[The cabin in the woods. The eight boys walk up to the entrance. Kyle reaches the door first while Cartman brings up the rear]
Cartman:Oh dude, is this it? This is kewl. So isolated. Check it out: there's a shovel next to a hole dug in the ground.
[Inside the cabin, the boys spread out and let Cartman through. Cartman sees the table and makes a beeline for it]
Cartman:Dude, is this where we're gonna play? [puts his laptop down on the table and opens it] I call dibs on this side. [puts his backpack on the table and starts working on the laptop] What's the wifi called? Is there a password? [Kyle closes the door and the boys bring out their weapons] I don't set it. I don't see it comin' up on my laptop. I don't know, I think maybe the wifi's not working. Where's the box? You've gotta unplug it and plug it back in. [notices that no one is replying to him] You guys? [the other boys are shown with angry looks on their faces. Clyde has a mallet, Kyle has a ball peen hammer, Stan has a baseball bat, Tokenn has an ax, Craig has a knife. Cartman turns around] You guys? There's... no wifi.
Clyde:The girls are gonna do something drastic to us. We have to take matters into our own hands.
Cartman:what are yugh... What are you guys talkin' about?
Stan:You brought this on yourself, Cartman. We're sorry. [Butters is holding a combination wrench and Jimmy is holding an adjustable wrench]
Cartman:Oh my God. [begins to panic and hugs his gadgets close] Oh my God you guys are gonna break all my stuff so I can't get online.
Kyle:Just put your stuff on the table and step back.
Cartman:Please! Please don't break my stuff, you guys. This is like two Christmases and a birthday worth of stuff! You guys can't do this! PLEASE!
Token:Let's just get it over with!
Cartman:No don't take them from me! Don't break my stuff! I'm not skankhunt! I'm not! You guys! You guys, you don't have to do this! You don't have to do this. We can still just play Counter Strike and forget everything. Oh my God there's no wifi. We can use my phone to make a hotspot! We can still play Counter Strike! It'll be sweet! You guys. come on, please! Please, you can't!
Clyde:I can't listen to this.
Cartman:Please Clyde! Clyde, you're my friend! Please, you- you know how much I need my stuff!
Craig:Let's just get it over with! [makes the first move]
Cartman:No please! If I can't get online, I won't have a life! I need my- [Craig runs his knife through Cartman's laptop several times] Oh God no! Don't! Don't! Don't! [the other boys approach and begin destroying Cartman's other gadgets - his phone, tablet, controller. Cartman is helpless to stop them] Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! [his voice turns into a series of screems as he stumbles away from the table and falls on his face]
[Outside the cabin. The boys bury the bettered gadgets and Token smoothes out the last bit of dirt to make the burial complete.]
Stan:What have we done?
Kyle:What we had to do. [One last scream from Cartman inside the cabin]
[Mr. Mackey's room, night. He's fast asleep in his bed with his phone on his nightstand. It rings.]
Mr. Mackey:[wakes up] Ugh! [sits up, puts on his glasses and picks up the phone to see who it is. It's Scott Malkinson] Oh Goddamnit, you've got to be kidding me. [takes a deep breath] This is Counselor Mackey. What's goin' on, Scott?
Scott:[sitting on the floor by his bed, hugging his pillow] I swear to God I'm gonna do it this time.
Mr. Mackey:Okay Scott, just try and calm down. You don't wanna quit Twitter.
Scott:What does it matter?! People would be happier if I just did it!
Mr. Mackey:That's not true. No one would be happier. [puts the phone down] This fucking kid, oh my God. Everybody thinks you're a great kid, Scott.
Scott:Ah I talked to my dad. He said I don't have the guts to do it! Well... If I quit Twitter he'd be sorry!
Mr. Mackey:Okay, um, how about this? Just um, promise me you won't quit Twitter tonight and we can, we can talk aaall day tomorrow, okay? Okay.
Scott:I don't know if I'll make it through the night.
Mr. Mackey:[lowers his phone again] Oh for fuck's sake.
Scott:I just feel like I'm at the edge of a cliff, you know? And being chased by hate. And the only way out is to jump!
Mr. Mackey:[losing interest due to sleep] Uh huh, okay, let's go on with that.
Scott:I keep thinking about what the kids at school would do when they find out I left all my social media… Like they would see all the damage they've done.
Mr. Mackey:[mutes the phone] Goddamnit, just do it already.
[Meanwhile, at the Broflovski house, Gerald is back in his office listeninig to Boston. He finishes another round of trolling and sits back in his armchair. He yawns and gets up, walks to the door and turns off the light, and his computer beeps at him. He turns around and sees that he's got a Google alert. He sits down at the computer and clicks OK, then on the link, "Danish outraged by 'skankhunt troll'" A video pops up - a report on skankhunt42]
CNN Anchor:Another Internet troll is wreaking havoc on message boards, this time attacking a Danish Web site for women with breast cancer.
Gerald:I made the news.
CNN Anchor:The troll, who goes by the name Skankhunt42-
Gerald:[claps] YES!
CNN Anchor:-cause the Web site to temporarily shut down. Danish Olympic medalist Freja Øllengård, who started the Web site, spoke out about the incident.
Freja Øllengård:I am not shocked. I am not sad. I am not giving this pitiful person the satisfaction of being anything. This little troll can have his fun. I'm going to be the bigger person. I'm going to show that people of Denmark are not so easily broken down.
Gerald:Hmmm... [a look of determination appears on his face] game on, whore. Game. On. [takes a sip of wine, cracks his knockles and resumes trolling. The camera moves away from him to focus on the sinister shadow on the wall]
[South Park Elementary, next day. The girls are still mad as they leave their lockers. Kyle rounds a corner and walks down the hallway. He sees Stan and Clyde, and approaches them.]
Kyle:What's going on?
Stan:You didn't hear?
Kyle:Hear what?
Stan:The troll skankhunt, Kyle. He was all over the Internet last night.
Kyle:No. Than's impossible.
Stan:It wasn't him, Kyle. We took Cartman out for no reason. [Cartman walks by without saying a word] We can't undo what we've done.
Kyle:Oh my God... Oh my God...
[Bebe's bedroom, that afternoon. The girls discuss their next move. Wendy is conflicted as she looks at the floor]
Nelly:The time has come. We said if the trolling didn't stop there would be severe consequences! Get the word out to every girl in school! It goes down tomorrow!
Wendy:Oh my God. I don't know if I can go through with this.
Nichole:We all have to be on board, Wendy. Every girl in school or it means nothing.
Annie:Don't forget what you said, Wendy! For too long, girls here have taken the back seat! Things have to change! Now they'll have to listen.
[South Park Elementary, next day. A boy walks down the hallway. Annie sees him and walks up to him. He sees her and smiles, she hands him a slip of paper. He takes it, she walks away. He reads the slip. "I'm breaking up with you forever. Annie."]
[the scene slows down as the paper floats down to the floor. Nearby, Red gives a note to Kevin and walks away. He reads it and looks heartbroken. Throughout the school, girls give notes to their boyfriends and walk away. Other girls are still delivering their breakup notes to their boyfriends. In the library Clyde is crying over his letter: "I break up! Goodbye 4ever!" Even the pre-schoolers are breaking up: a girl gives her note to a boy in class which reads "I brake up." The boy cries and falls onto his building blocks. In the gym, Nichole walks up to Token and gives him her note, then walks away. It reads "I break up. Goodbye. Don't call. Nichole." Token falls on his knees. Two boys read their notes in the bathroom and console each other while they cry. Kyle is on a swing looking at the class picture when Cartman vanishes from it. Kyle lets out a tear. Inside, Stan walks down the hallway, strewn with brokenhearted boys and their breakup notes. Kenny is on his back, crying. Wendy walks in from the other end of the hall and gives Stan her note. He takes it and reads: "This is Goodbye forever, Stan. I can't fix you. Wendy" He looks up at her, and she's gone. A boy comes in from the lobby crying and holding a breakup letter.]
[End of Skank Hunt.]