Mitgeschrieben und dem Planearium zur Verfügung gestellt von Willie Westwood (South Park Scriptorium)

Episode 1906 - Tweek x Craig


Cartman and Cupid Me
PC Principal
Gerald Broflovski
Liane Cartman
Thomas and Laura Tucker
Randy and Sharon Marsh
Richard and Mrs. Tweek
Stephen Stotch
Ruffians Bartender
Delivery Man
Girl 1
Girl 2
Girl 3
Japanese singer
Man 1
Man 2
Xi Jinping

[South Park Elementary Gym, day. PC Principal is once again addressing the students in the gym.]
PC Principal:Alright everyone, listen up. [Wendy reads through some cue cards at the podium] Today we're going to be showing you some art from our Asian-Aemrican students-DAMNIT LESLIE, SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIE-HOLE! [Leslie is shown, but she's confused, as she's not toalking to anyone.] -from our Asian-Aemrican students presented by our student-body president, Wendy Testaburger.
Wendy:Hey guys. As you know, we have several new students here at South Park Elementary. We have been getting to know some of the Asian girls who have introduced us to an art style called "yaoi." [A picture pops up showing the English and Japanese spellings of the word, and Oriental music plays.] Yaoi is a blend of emotion and beauty involving two people whose love is looked down upon. The art tries to show that all love is magical, like in Lisa Akimoto's piece, "Tweek and Craig: Forbideen Love." [Tweek and Craig in a French kiss.]
Wendy:Kelly Zhou goes a bit more whimsical with "Craig and Tweek: Moonlight Dance." [Tweek wears a pink bow in his hair and is wrapped in a pink ribbon while Craig stands behind him looking down at his face.]
Craig:Dude, what the fuck?
Wendy:In yaoi art, the seme, or top, is usually dominating the uke, or bottom, as demonstrated in Heather Nishimura's "Boizu Rabu." [Craig reaching down into Tweek's briefs as Tweek reaches up to stroke Craig's head]
Girls:Awwww. [Stan and Kyle look at each other]
Wendy:But yaoi can branch out to other things as well.
Cartman:Uh oh.
Wendy:As we see here in "Lily, Frog, Tweek and Craig." [Craig on top of Tweek, looking into his eyes.]
[The hallway, after the assembly. Shown are Dav¡d, Token, Stan, Butters, Kyle, Kenny, and Jimmy.]
Stan:I just don't get it. I mean, Tweek and Craig aren't gay. Right?
Kyle:Nooo. We would know.
Butters:Well, but then why would Asian girls draw them like that?
Jimmy:Yeah, what is this yaoi thiing all about? I am so c-c-c-confused.
Stan:And if it can happen to Tweek and Craig... could it happen to any of us?
[The school lobby. Eight Asian girls sit on the steps drawing. Craig sees them and approaches them]
Craig:Uhh, excuse me, why are you doing this?? [holds up a picture of himself pushing Tweek on a swing, and Tweek enjoying it]
Girl 1:Oh hi Craig. [looks at Girl 2 on her right and addresses her.] Geuneun oneul daleun syeocheuleul ibgoissda. ["He is wearing a different shirt today."]
Girl 2:Dangsin-eun eotteohge geuui jaekis alaee mueos-eul al su issseubnikka? ["How do you know what's under his jacket?"]
Craig:What? Well what did she say?
Girl 3:I don't know, that was Korean. I'm Japanese.
Tweek:[as wired as ever] What is going on, huh? Huh? Me and him aren't together. Why is this happening?!
Girl 1:[to the girl on her left] Geudeul-eun hamkke neomu gwiyeobda. ["They're so cute together."]
Tweek:Everyone thinks I'm gay! What if my parents find out?! Huh?!
PC Principal:Alright guys, I know there have been a lot of rumors flyin' around. Just wanted to check in, see if you have any questions for me.
Craig:Why are the Asian girls drawing pictures of us being gay?!
PC Principal:What's wrong with being gay? Nothin' wrong with that.
Craig:But we aren't! I'm not!
Tweek:I'm not either!
PC Principal:That is completely irrelevant! Okay? What matters, and the reason I brought you in here, is that you understand affirmative consent.
Tweek:What's that?
PC Principal:If there is a romantic relationship here, you have to make sure your partner is comfortable with any sexual exploration.
PC Principal:Now, in a gay relationship it gets a little trickier, but you still have to follow some guidlines, alright?
Craig:But I'm not gay!
PC Principal:I don't care about that, bro! Twwek, if, and I'm only saying if, at some point you wanted to tough Craig's penis, you just can't go grabbin' for it. Alright? You need to say something like "Craig, is it alright with you if I touch your penis?" Okay? Let's try it out.
PC Principal:You want two weeks' detention instead?! This shit's important!
Tweek:Craig, can I touch your penis?
PC Principal:Okay, good. Now Craig, you might say "You may touch my penis. I'm comfortable with that." [Craig isn't happy with that line and waits for more] Or of course, you could say "No, you may not touch my penis at this time."
Craig:No you may not!
PC Principal:Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. Now Craig, what sould you say if you wanted to take a gander at Tweek's asshole?
[The Marsh house. Randy looks inside the fridge for something to drink. He gets a bottle of gluten-free PBR. Sharon walks up to him]
Sharon:Randy, you should have a talk with Stan.
Randy:For what?
Sharon:I guess something happened at school today involving two of Stan's friends? Being gay?
Sharon:Yeah. Stan seems really preplexed.
Randy:Wow. Our town has only had a Whole Foods for three weeks and we already have our first gay kids. So cool. [smiles to himself]
Sharon:Go talk to him, Randy, and be delicate.
[Stan's room, afternoon. Randy reaches it and knocks on the door, then walks in.]
Randy:Hey bud. How's it hangin'? [sits on the bed next to Stan]
Stan:I'm confused, Dad. There was this thing at school.
Randy:Well, guess what? You're got a really progressive PC dad who knows all about this stuff, okay? Go ahead, ask me anything.
Stan:I just don't understand how it's decided.
Randy:Ah, well, you see, it's a combination of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences.
Stan:No, I mean like, what makes the Asians decide who they're gonna make gay?
Randy:The Asian? The Asians decide who's going to be gay? Uh are y-, yeah, yeah they do. Uh, the Asians just, you know, the Asians pick who they pick, and um, it's al- it's, the way it's always been.
Stan:So you've heard of yaoi?
Randy:[embarassed, playing it off] Yeah, of course. Yaoi, anal intercourse, Maui Zowie, I, I know all this stuff, Stan.
[Shi Tpa Town, day, Whole Foods. Gerald and Sheila run itno Thomas Tucker in the store.]
Gerald:Oh hey, Thomas! Hey, we heard about Craig. We think it's just terrific.
Thomas:[turns around] What about Craig? [Stephen Stotch comes up behind him]
Stephen:Thomas! I'm so glad that Craig is finally happy. Hey, it's Craig's dad, everybody. [shoppers around the store clap]
[The Tweek house. Tweek and his parents are having dinner. Tweek is twitching quite a bit and Richard notices]
Richard:Tweek's out of coffee, honey.
Mom:Oh, here you go, kiddo. [fills Tweeks cup]
Richard:Tweek, is there anything you want to talk to us about?
Richard:[slowly] Well, we heard that you're gay. And I want you to know we've never been so proud of you.
Tweek:Oh God. [lets his head hit the table]
Richard:We thought you were just a spaz, but to know that you've got so much going on inside.
Mom:We're so proud of you, Tweek.
Richard:Knowing what I know now, I'm gonna be a much better dad to you. In fact, I just, I just want to give you some money, Tweek. [pulls out his wallet and then some bills] Can I give you some money? Here, I I love you so much, son. [hands Tweek the bills]
["The Book of Love" begins to play, and here's the montage: Tweek stares at the ceiling while in bed. So does Craig. Neither of them can sleep. Nor can Stan, and he rolls from one side to the other. Next day, one of the Asian girls is drawing. Next night, Thomas can't sleep. Following day Craig walks along and sees Tweek, who is looking at a wall. They look at each other, then at the wall, which turns out to be on one side of the school. On the wall is a large mural of Craig and Tweek in embrace. They turn around, then walk their separate ways. Next is an outdoor art fair at the Whole Foods parking lot with art from the Asian girls at school. All of it is of Craig and Tweek in various poses. The Broflovskis and Marshes are enjoying it. The Stotches buy a print. Mayor McDaniels leafs throgh a bnuch of Craig x Tweek pictures she has in a folder, then she looks at a picture of a man with a mustache. She smiles at it. Next is more fan art of Craig and Tweek, and finally we get to Cartman in bed]
Cartman:[thinking] Dude, Tweek and Craig. It's just so weird. If they've been gay this whole time, have they been checking me out? I'm pretty sure Craig has seen my wiener. Should I kick his ass?
Cupid Me:[flits in out of nowhere] Aw come on. What's wrong with two guys liking each other?
Cartman:I just don't understand it, Cupid Me. Wanting to like, kiss a dude?
Cupid Me:But if love is love, then it takes form in all shapes and sizes. Teehee.
Cartman:I guess, just because I don't understand it doesn't mean I shouldn't support it. Alright. Maybe you can help them along.
Cupid Me:Really? Can I?
Cartman:Yes, Cupid Me. Make it quick, and don't let anyone see you.
Cupid Me:Oh thank you! I won't! [floats out and away, giggling all the while.]
[Craig's room. Craig is sound asleep, wearing his cap. Cupid Me flits in]
Cupid Me:You just needs a little spark of magic. [shoots an arrow into Craig's head.] And now I'm gonna pee in your mouth. [does so and giggles] Love is in the air. [squeezes that last bit of pee out]
[Cartman's bathroom. Cartman is on the toilet checking out what's online on his phone. Cupid Me returns.]
Cartman:Did you do it, Cupid-Me?
Cupid Me:I hit him with my love arrow, and then I peed in his mouth just for fun.
Cartman:[laughs]! That's awesome![chuckles as Cupid-Me flits to his left side]! That's so sweet.
Cupid Me:I thought you might like that.
Cartman:Yeah, dude. You're hilarious.
Cupid Me:And do you think I'm cute, too? 'Cause I think you're kind of cute.
Cartman:[his smile vanishes] Stop that, Cupid Me. I told you I'm not homosexual, okay? It's not funny.
Cupid Me:Oh well, at least Tweek and Craig are in love now. [flits away]
Cartman:Yep. School tomorrow should be very interesting.
[South Park Elementary, day, hallway. Stan is talking to Kyle, who is switching out books in his locker.]
Stan:And so my dad talked to me about it.
Stan:And my dad said that Asians have always done this, and they, like, do make people gay.
Cartman:[runs up to them] You guys! You guys, hurry!
Cartman:It's, It's Tweek and Craig, dude! They're about to have sex! [runs off. Sttan and Kyle follow.]
[At the intersection of two hallways, a crowd has gathered around Tweek and Craig.]
Craig:Got a fuckin' problem man?! [pushes Tweek back]
Tweek:You're the one with the fuckin' problem! [pushes Craig back]
Craig:I told you to stay a hundred yards from me!
Tweek:You'd better not fuckin' push me again, man!
Cartman:Oh God, you guys. Get a room. [Craig and Tweek start fighting. Soon Cartman grabs onto Kevin for support]
[PC Principal's office, day. He's got the phone receiver in one hand, a hand grip on the other]
PC Principal:Hello Mr. Tucker. I need to inform you that your son was in an altercation at school today.
Thomas:[at his office.] Craig? Craig got in a fight? [grins]
PC Principal:Yes, with his boyfriend. Just a lovers' quarrel, probably.
PC Principal:Something to be expected in relationships. Apparently there were no affirmative consent issues, as your son knows the right way to play with another boy's penis.
Thomas:Oh God...! [facepalm]
PC Principal:There's not gonna be any disciplinary action since they are gay. We wanna be supportive, so we're just gonna send them on home with some money, alright? Alright, you have a nice day.
[The Forbidden City, China, day. A woman walks into an office and addresses someone in there.]
Secretary: The camera pans left to show the president of the People's Republic of China, Xi Jinping. Apparrently, it's a call for him, and he answers his phone]
Xi Jinping:Wei, nihao.
Randy:[on the other end, in his study] Uh, hi, Mr. Jinping. Thanks for taking my call, I was... just wondering if you could shed some light on how your people decide who will be gay and who will be straight.
Xi Jinping:What??
Randy:[sighs] I'm sorry, I I don't speak Asian, but... um, oh uh, oh, y-yao, yaoi. Yaoi, yes? Boizu rabu. Huh, how does that work?
Xi Jinping:Thata come from Japan.
Randy:Oh, it's Japan that decides? [Stan walks into the study.] How the hell do they actually make people geh-? [notices Stan] Aaaa-a-ah, Japan. Of course, is who does the yaoi to make people gay.
Xi Jinping:They are dogs! [pounds his desk with his left fist] who refused, and not apologized, to the Chinese republic!
Randy:Uh huh, yes, that of course I do already know about homosexuality.
[Cartman's house, day. Cartman is browsing the Web on his phone. The doorbell rings and Liane goes to the front door to answer it]
Delivery Man:Hi, flower delivery for Eric Cartman? [Cartman hears this and looks over]
Liane:Oh my, how beautiful. [signs for the flowers and takes them to Cartman] Oh look sweetie, someone sent you flowers.
Cartman:[sets his phone down, takes the bouquet, and reads the attached note.] "Can't we just try? Teehee." Oh maaan.
Liane:Who are they from, hon?
Cartman:Someone who needs a real talking to.
[At the buffet restaurant. Cartman and Cupid Me are in a booth]
Cartman:Look, it's flattering, okay? But it doesn't change the fact that there's nothing here for you to keep pursuing.
Cupid Me:Teeheehee. Aw, come on, let's be like Tweek and Craig. Everyone thinks they're kewl.
Cartman:You are wasting your time. I'm not attracted to guys.
Cupid Me:But I'm so attracted to you.
Cartman:I realize that, but I'm sorry. I need you to stop bothering me. [the smile leaves Cupid Me's face. Cartman's voice gets quieter] This... is done. I'm just not a homosexual. [dejected, Cupid Me goes limp in mid-air.]
[The Tweek house, day. The doorbell rings and Richard goes to answer it. Craig is just outside.]
Richard:Well, hello Craig. Honey, it's Craig.
Mom:Awww, hi Craig.
Craig:Is Tweek home?
Richard:He sure is. Come on in. [holds the door open for Craig. From his house, Randy gives Richard a thumbs up. Richard returns the gesture and closes the door, then joins Mrs. Tweek and Craig in the middle of the living room] Would you like to have somem coffee, Craig?
Craig:No thank you, I just want to see Tweek.
Richard:Tweek's just up in his room playing. You can go on up. [Craig stars going upstairs] Oh, uh, but keep the door open, alright? [Craig gets mad at the insinuation. Richard says to his wife] They're so gay.
[Tweek's room, moments later. Tweek is trying to put some Legos together, but it's frusrating for him. He drinks more coffee. Craig enters the room.]
Craig:Hey dude. [this makes Tweek spit out his coffee, and he gets off his chair]
Tweek:No, no! What are you doing here? [keeps his disstance]
Craig:Tweek, calm down. We have to put a stop to this.
Tweek:There's no stopping it! The whole world wants me to be something I'm not!
Craig:Me too, dude. But there's something we can do.
Craig:We have to come out and say we're gay.
Tweek:What?! Are you insane?! The way everyone-!
Craig:Wait. Wait! Because if we're gay, we can break up. And if we break up, no more pictures. We just have to stage a fake breaup in front of the Asian girls.
Tweek:Like acting? No man, that is waaay too much pressure! I'll fail-
Craig:You can do it, Tweek! You're capable of more than you think.
Tweek:Agh. I'm a terrible actor.
Craig:You just follow my lead, and try and make it believeable, okay?
Tweek:Oh gah-okay.
[Skeeter's Wine Bar, day. Thomas Tucker is at the bar with Skeeter and Darryl Weathers.]
Thomas:What did I do wrong, huh? Everyone's so damned happy, but... but why did this have to happen to my son?! What did I do to make my son like this?
Randy:Hey, hey, whoa, you didn't do anything.
Thomas:Oh what? You know about this?
Randy:Yeah, let me handle this guys, I'm PC. [shows off the brand he got] Look Thomas, you need to understand that being gay isn't a decision. You know, a lot of people think that Asians decide who's gay and who's not. But it isn't all Asians, it's just specifically the Japanese, okay?
Randy:[turns around] Wby do the Japanese make some people gay and others not? [turns around again] Well, it all goes back to World War II, and atrocities that happened in China called the Rape of Don King.
Skeeter:Hey, you sure know a lot about this.
Randy:Yes I do.
[The school hallway, at that moment. The same seven boys are gathered there again]
Kyle:No dude, I looked it up. Yaoi is just an art style for girls by girls because they like fictionalizing two guys in a relationship.
Stan:But why?
Kyle:I don't know. But the point is, there's nothing about it that means Tweek and Craig are actually gay, at all.
[The school lobby, later. The Asian girls are back on the steps, and three of them are smiling. Tweek walks past them and stops when he hears someone calling him]
Craig:Hey Tweek! Hold up. Listen, it's just not going to work. [the smiles vanish]
Tweek:What? Why not? [Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Dav¡d, and Butters arrive]
Craig:I'm sorry Tweek, but we can't lie to ourselves anymore. [turns to face the gathering crowd of kids] Yes, we are gay, but we do not beliing together.
Tweek:We don't belong together? What suddenly changed, Craig?
Craig:It's just that people are different. That's all.
Tweek:Uh huh. And who the hell is Michael?! Huh?! You wanna tell me that?! [jaws begin to drop]
Craig:What? What are you, what are you talking about?
Tweek:I went through your phone when we went out last night, Craig! I saw your texts to Michael about hooking up with him!
Craig:Wait, uh, that's, that's not what happened.
Tweek:Oh, it's not?!
Craig:No. [tries to get Tweek back on track] Uh look, we both know this is for the better.
Tweek:Oh, don't use that lame shit on me, man! You don't wanna feel bad, so you're tryiing to tell me what I want?!
Craig:Wait, don't make me out to be the bad guy here.
Tweek:Noho, you're not the bad guy! You're never the bad guy, are you?! You, you just step on people and you use them!
Craig:[tries again] You're going too far, dude. This is like, totally not necessary.
Tweek:Agh-I'm going too far?! What is wrong with you?!
Craig:This wasn't part of the plan!
Tweek:Well guess what, Craig! Love doesn't follow a plan!
Tweek:I was totally wrong about you. I opened myself up and let you in. But you've got spikes, man. You've got spikes. [walks away. Before he goes off screen, he breaks out in a big grin.]
Wendy:[steps forward to Tweek's spot] Tweek. [glares at Craig, then follows Tweek. Craig looks at the other kids, who glare at him and walk away. The Asian girls even leave their drawing tools behind]
Craig:Dude, seriously? Seriously?
["Say Something" begins to play. A rainy-day montage begins. First, the Tucker house. Laura is on the phone.]
Laura:They... they broke up? [Thomas turns around and smiles at the news. He notices Craig walking up to the front door, head down, and lets him in. He notices Craig's mood and his smile disappears.]
[The montage continues. The mural on the side of the school begins to smear. An Asian girl cries as she draws something new - Tweek and Craig with their backs to each other, with some distance between them. Tweek walks through the hallway grinning at first, but his smile vanishes when he notices how sad the other kids look. The outdoor art fair is still open on a rainy day. Most of the art now has an angry Craig and a dejected Tweek on it. One piece has Craig talking to a new boy while Tweek looks in from outside, and another has Craig pushing pins into a Tweek plush as if it were a voodoo doll. Next, Cupid Me looks in from outside as Cartman is asleep in bed. Cupid Me flits away. Gerald and Sheila replace a happy Craig x Tweek painting with a breakup one. Stan is shown sad on his bed, while Sharon is shown sad in the kitchen. Randy appears at the doorway and opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it and walks away. Mayor McDaniels is at her husband's grave. Richard Tweek is crying at the dining room table and his wife tries to console him. Tweek picks in from the kitchen]
[Ruffians Gay Bar, day. Some men are playing pool, two others chat next to the jukebox. Cartman walks in, scans the room, and walks up to the bar]
Cartman:What are you doing? This place isn't you. [Cupid Me is shown, with a mug of beer and, some peanuts, and some cigarettes]
Cupid Me:I'm just here to pick up on guys. Why? are you jealous?
Cartman:No I'm not. I'm here because we need you right now.
Cupid Me:Oh, now you need me, huh? Fuck you, dude.
Cartman:Fuck you.
Man 1:What is that kid doing here?
Man 2:He's just kind of talking to himself.
Cartman:The whole town is sad. Cupid Me, you have to help.
Cupid Me:Well, I guess I could try now, in return for just... one date?
Cartman:I'm not homosexual!
Cupid Me:Then I guess I'm not interested.
Cartman:Ugh. Alright, one date. But only if you help get Tweek and Craig back together.
Cupid Me:T[] eeheehee! Teeheeheeheehee!
Bartender:Hey kid, what do you think you're doing here?
Cartman:Oh, hey, whoa, whoawhoawhoa. I'm not here for me, I'm here for my friend, okay? [the bartender doesn't see any friend with him]
[The Tucker house, day. The doorbell rings and Thomas arrives to answer it. Tweek is just outside]
Tweek:Hi, is Craig here, sir?
Thomas:Why can't you quit him? [begins to close the door-]
Thomas:[lets Tweek in] Five minutes. He's in the back. [Tweek goes on in and goes out the sliding door in back. Craig is working on his bicycle.]
Tweek:Hey dude.
Craig:What do you want?
Tweek:I thought when we broke up everything would get better. I was thinking maybe, we should say we're back together.
Craig:Dude, I'm not gay and neither are you!
Tweek:What does that have to do with anything?
Craig:You think you can just pull that shit you pulled at school, saying I step on people and use them?! And I'll just take you back?!
Tweek:You said to make it seem real.
Craig:Not that real! Now everyone thinks I'm a manipulative cheater! I'll never get any chicks!
Tweek:I'm so sorry, Craig. You, you made me believe in myself in a way I never have before. I didn't think I had any of that in me, but... you were right. I can do more than I think. You... changed something in me and I just... I wanna fix whatever's hurting you now. [Thomas, who's been looking out the window, begins to cry]
Craig:I can't be something because everyone wants me to be. I have to be myself. You'll just have to go be gay with someone else.
Tweek:Alright Craig. Alright. [turns left and walks away]
[The Tucker dining room, moments later. Thomas comes in from the kitchen]
Thomas:I can see how much they're both hurting, but... Can't you understand that in my time we just didn't accept this? rests his head on his left hand[] Maybe it's not so wrong, I, I just don't want it to be my son. [Cupid Me flits in and giggles]
Cupid Me:You guys need a little prick of magic. [shoots an arrow into Thomas' head] I'm gonna pee in your mouth a little bit. [follows through]
Thomas:Then again, he's my son no matter what. I can't just shut down on him.
Cupid Me:Teeheeheehee, teeheeheehee. [flits away. Moments later, Thomas shows up at Craig's bedroom door. Craig is on his bed, sad]
Thomas:[enters] Son, you need to listen to me. [sits down on the bed] You can't fight being gay. I used to think that being gay was a choice, but, you don't get to decide. Japan picks who they pick, and that's that. I don't understand this stuff. Heck, I didn't even know Don King got raped, but... I do know that if you try and resist it, you make yourself miserable your whole life. Everuone was so proud of you, Ah I was just being selfish. I wanna be proud of you too. I like gay Craig. I love you. Here's a hundred dollars. [hands him the bill and walks out the door]
[The ending montage. Tweek walks past City Wok. Craig crosses the street and waits for him. Tweek stops, Craig turns to face the same direction Tweek is facing and holds out his left hand. Craig looks at him, then approchaes and holds his hand. They then walk towards the corner hand in hand. They walk past Whole Foods and cross the street in front of Dee's Meats. They get cheers of encouragement from all the adults they pass]
Japanese singer:Maybe we should go away.
Put cares aside for just a day.
[Gerald and Sheila meet in front of a painting of Tweek and Craig, and hold hands]
The world we face is a-not so big.
Not if we are strong like Tweek and Craig.

Honto ni sakana ga oishii ["This fish is very tasty."]

Let's go back to when it was new.

[Randy brings a bouquet of flowers to Sharon in the kitchen. Craig and Tweek play Assassin's Creed Syndicate]
Weren't we such happy people too?
Life was simple, problems vague. [several adults look through a window at Craig and Tweek as they play]
We had it all, a lot like Tweek and Craig.
[Mayor McDaniels looks at the picture of her deceased husband, then holds it against her chest. At school, heads turn as Craig and Tweek walk through the hallways hand in hand. Next, in Akihabara, Japan, the singer is shown in a karaoke restaurant, singing the lyrics on a video featuring live action video of Tweek and Craig]
And in the darkness we all seek
A perfect love like Craig and Tweek.
We must fight or love's a goner.
We must hold Tweek and Craig with the

Highest honor! [Thomas suddenly waks up] Gambaro irasshai! ["Hang in there!"]
I hope you know when you are down {Xi Jinping, at his desk, suddenly gets up and kisses his secretary}
That you turned my life around. [Butters is Skyping with Charlotte]
Just like the quote from Shakespeare said
I'm your Tweek,
[slowing] and you're my Craig/
Cartman:[in bed, moaning in a rhythmic fashion] Okay, okay, the date's almost over.
Cupid Me:[pops up behind Cartman] Teeheehee. Aren't you liking your massage?
Cartman:It's fine. It just doesn't really do anything for me.
Cupid Me:Well, I've got something you might like a little better. [goes back behind Cartman... and under...]
Cartman:Cu- Cupid Me, no! No, I'm straight!
Cupid Me:Teeheeheehee!
Cartman:Cupid Me, what are you doing?! Oh my God! [next, he's in the bathroom. Liane walks past, but stops to listen in] Oh Cupid Me, that's enough! Okay, that's it, Cupid Me! That's it! [Liane opens the door and sees Cartman masturbating furiously on the toilet] That's it, Cupid Me. Okay, that's it. That's it, Cupid Me. [Liane closes the door]
[End of Tweek x Craig.]