Mitgeschrieben und dem Planearium zur Verf├╝gung gestellt von Willie Westwood (South Park Scriptorium)

Episode 1903 - The City Part of Town


PC Principal
Bob Black
Stuart and Mrs. McCormick, and daughter Karen
Randy Marsh
Richard Tweek
Stephen Stotch
Det. Harris and Officer Barbrady
Fr. Maxi
Mayor McDaniels, Johnson, and Aide
Toung Lu Kim
Jimmy Fallon
Other Men
Mike, the diner
Whole Foods Rep

[The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Fallon is going into his monologue]
Jimmy Fallon:Okay okay okay. So this guy is running for President aaand he hates immigrants, and he's basically an idiot. [the audience laughs throughout] Not surprisingly, this guy is from a predominantly white town called South Park, Colorado. Or Shitheads of America, Incorporated, I'm not xure. Yeah, if this guy is the best their town has to offer, can you imagine who he left behind? [affecting a hick accent] "Oh hey, I'm from South Park! We don't take kindly to respecting human beings!" [a shot of Randy and Sharon watching from the sofa with their jaws dropped] You, you think South Park has a university? "Welcome to South Park University." [a shot of Gerald and Sheila in bed, watching with jaws dropped] "Please open your shotguns and slap your wives!" [a shot of Butters watching the show on the phone, in bed. He's crying qyietly] "I live in South Park and my IQ's so low I've got to dig for it. Hey, did someone say 'rape?' That's the word for 'clapper' here in South Park" [the camera is back on Randy and Sharon]
Randy:[turns off the TV] That's not funny. [gets up and walks away.]
[South Park Elemntary, day. Kids are walking around in the hallway. Stan goes to his locker as Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman stand in front of the lockers on the other side of the hallway, their heads hanging in shame. Butters joins them, also ashamed, and Stan closes his locker to join them all.]
Stan:So not cool. How does someone just rip on us like that?`
Kyle:I can't believe Jimmy Fallon hates us. Jimmy Fallon loves everything. Why would he slam our whole town?
Cartman:Because apparently he doesn't care that his jokes are at the expense of actual people.
Butters:Wull do you think it's true? Do you think we're really bigoted country bumpkins?
Cartman:No. [steps forward] Hey, we are not country bumpkins! Okay?! Kenny's a bumpkin!
Kenny:(Well fuck you, dude!)
Cartman:We don't have junk cars in our yards, that's just your family, Kenny! [Kyle is about to defend Kenny, but Stan speaks up]
Stan:I just hope somebody finds a way to fix this.
[South Park City Hall, day, the Mayor's office.]
Mayor McDaniels:I've called you all here because South Park has an image problem. Thanks to Mr. Garrison we are now being referred to as the shitheads of America. One of our more politically sensitive citizens has propose an idea for this crises and I'd like you to hear him out.
Randy:[takes the dais as the Mayor steps aside] Hello everyone, I'm Randy Marsh, and I've been PC for almost two weeks now. You know, we've all been making changes to be more socially conscious, but have we really done enough? The truth is, there's something we're lacking as a community, and it's time we all faced it. What this town needs... is a Whole Foods. [a lot of chatter springs up in the audience.] It would instantly validate us as town thtat cares about stuff.
Stephen:We couldn't get a Whole Foods to open here.
Randy:And why not?! Huh?! We all just don't believe we can get a Whole Foods! Because we don't believe in ourselves!
Fr. Maxi:Where could it even go?!
Mayor McDaniels:I'm announcing a plan for SodoSoPa. [presses a remote control and a picture of the logo comes up.] A new urban development that will turn the most rundown and dilapidated part of our town into a quaint center of artisan shops and cafes.
Randy:Lots of cities are dong this. The area south of Downtown South Park has always been the ugly eyesore of this town. But now, SodoSoPa... is going to bring in the fresh new vibrrancy that Whole Foods can't ignore.
[The SodoSoPa site, later. An architect is there with a select group of people, including the Mayor, JojhnsonWendy's mom, Randy, Linda, and ]
Architect:We'll keep the existing structures, but add brick walkways and some quaint white lights. A plaza in the middle will be a place where young couples can play with their toddlers. [a shot of the site, which is Kenny's hosue, which has warped windows and broken stucco all around. Hears hears the conversation and peeks out the front window] And it will all be small businesses like artisan cheese shops or noodle houees.
Randy:Oh, this is really exciting. I thought this area was just gonna stay shitty forever. [Kenny walks to the kitchen, where he sees Stuart drinking a beer and reading a magazine.]
Kenny:(Hey Dad, there's a bunch of people outside.)
Stuart:Who is? [gets up and walks to the front door, opens it and sees the group]
Mayor McDaniels:So you think you'll keep all the existing structures?
Architect:I do. It's part of what gives a revitalized area like this its charm that the hipsters like.
Stuart:Hey, what are you people doing?!
Randy:We're gentrifying. It's all good.
[Park County Community Center, day. Another meeting about this project.]
Randy:Okay, hold on, everyone listen up! We understand that not everyone is for the town spending money on the SodoSoPa project. We want everyone to be able to voice their concerns. [Only the McCormicks are present]
Stuart:[stands up] Yeah I got concerns! I don't want you touching my damn house!
Johnson:We realize that when a rejuvenation like this takes place, the lower-income residents fear they'll be priced out of the area.
Stuart:What lower-income residents?! Me?! I work hard and provide for my family just fine!
Randy:Stuart, come on. Your house sucks.
Stuart:Fuck you! If you people wanna turn somethin' into a vibrant arts district, then do it to Randy's house!
Randy:My house is nice.
Aide:Mr. McCormick, you will be living in the most vibrant part of the entire town. SodoSoPa is the future of South Park.
Johnson:There will be amazing food and incredible shops right at your doorstep.
Mayor McDaniels:And we want to assure the lower-income families that we are going to take the time to do this right.
[The SodoSoPa project is now complete, and a new eatery is shown. The Broflovskis and the Stotches are having dinner together]
Waiter:Alright guys, welcome to Steed. Do we have any allergies?
Stephen:No, nothing. And we we wanna try everything! [Det. Harris and Officer Barbrady are dining at another table]
Det. Harris:Wow, can you believe this place?
Officer Barbrady:Yeah, the food is unbelieveable. [Randy and Nelson are at the bar]
Randy:Like a dream come true, Nelson. This area is gonna put our town on the map. [the camera pulls back and Steed is shown on the second floor of a mall that has been built on the McCormick house. A narrow entrance between the house and the garage leads to a patio where the backyard used to be, and there are more shops beyond that. Stuart steps outside and dumps his garbage in an aluminum trash can]
[City Wok, night. It's empty, and Tuong Lu Kim reflects on the changes in his business. He's smoking and holds a cup in his left hand while ambient Oriental music plays]
Toung Lu Kim:I don't know what happen all my customers. I used to have a-people come in here, fill every table. Now it's like a-nobody want anything to do with my authentic city food. This town is changing so fast, you know? [a lone man sits by the window eating dinner. There are no other customers] This town is changing so fast, everybody wan be PC, be updated. It's like I'm a reric. A rost reric from another time. You know? I dunno, sometime I feel like I outstayed my welcome. Is just how I feel, you know?
Diner:Uh huh.
Toung Lu Kim:It's like a-my accent make people uncomftable or something. How a Chinese man is supposed to survive in this world? [the door opens] Oh, welcome oh City Wok, a take ur order prease?
Man:[turns left and walks up to the diner] Hey Mike, whatcha doin' man? The guys are all meetin' down at SodoSoPa.
Mike:At what?
Man:They've totally revitalized this area south of Downtown, you've gotta check it out! [turns and walks out]
Mike:Oh sweet, dude. [gets up and follows his friend out the door]
Toung Lu Kim:SodoSoPa? What the hell is a SodoSoPa?!
[SodoSoPa, moments later. Tuong Lu Kim arrives to see the place for himself]
Toung Lu Kim:What the fuuuck?!
[SodoSoPa, Kenny's house. All the family is in the living room, bored as the music thumps away around them]
Karen:Mommy, can we go eat outside?
Mom:No, we can't go eat outside.
Karen:But momma, they have ice cream. [points outside]
Stuart:We can't afford $10 ice cream, alright?! If you want nice things, then go out and get a JOB! Except you won't make MONEY! [Karen gets off the sofa with her head down and goes to her room] Because you just BUST your ASS and then barely get by while everyone around you gets RICHER! [Kenny gets up and follows her out] Just face it: things are never gonna change around here.
[The Mayor's office, next day. The mayor and a bunch of townsfolk are waiting on Randy, who's at the desk about to place a call]
Johnson:What's heh gonna say?
Fr. Maxi:Maybe they won't even know- [the Mayor shushes them both as Randy waits for a pickup]
Randy:Hi, um, yes, my name is Randy Marsh, and um, we would like to try and get a Whole Foods in our town? ... Yes, that's right. Aaah, yes, it's ah, South Park, Colorado. Nonononono! Nononononono! [continues this for some time] It's not at all what you think! Yes, it's where the Presidential candidate is from-Nonononono! Nononononono! Hold on! Hold on, hold on! SodoSoPa! SodoSoPa! We have a SodoSoPa and this town is completely different! SodoSoPa! We have an arts and entertainment district! Cultural! Yes. Okay. Okay, yes, I, I understand. Thank you. [hangs up and gathers his thoughts] They said they maybe might send over a representative. [a moent later everyone cheers. Randy hugs teh Mayor.]
[First commercial, montage of live-action scenes]
Voice:[Deep] There's a certain quality, vibe, and energy that is SodoSoPa. From the independent merchants and unique cafes to the rustic charm of a mixed-income crowd. [teh camera pans to Kenny and Stuart, who are annoyed. A couple is dancing at Savor the Goodness as Kevin and Karen look on through a window. Their mom comes up and pulls the blinds down, then back to live action] Where else can you let loose your wild side while still being a part of helping the local economy? [a shot of the whole family looking out at the diners. The parents are mad] And now, a chance to own a piece of this most exciting area of Sotuh Park. Announcing: the Lofts at SodoSoPa. Two thousand square feet of class that will put you right in the heart of it all. After a night out eating and shopping in SodoSoPa, just take a few steps and you're home. With modern styling these lofts are sleek, sexy, and oh so SodoSoPa. And for those very privileged few, the most private and exclusive ownership opportunities is here. Annuncing the Residences at the Lofts at SodoSoPa. Now you can have access to luxury rrefined while still just steps away from the action. These finely appointed residences all feature state-of-the art finishes and balconies with views of historic Kenny's house. A place to laugh. A place to gather. A plce to mingle with people of all economic classes. And now, a place to live. SodoSoPa. Welcome Home.
[South Park, day. Kenny walks down a sidewalk and notices a sign asking for help - child help. He takes it from the window and enter City Wok with it]
Tuong Lu Kim:And we are gong to take a-business back from a-SodoSoPa! [notices Kenny with the sign] Ah, hello, you here for job? Prease join the others prease. [he already has a crew of seven kids. Kenny joins the crew] Some say I cannot survive in today's world. Butu if there's one asset that a Chinese man has, it's the tactical use of chld labor. And together, child labor force, we are gong to bringg a SodoSoPa to its knees.
[Morning in South Park. New signs are being put up to replace aging ones in Downtown, walls are being painted, flowers bought. Tom is cleaning the windows at his rhinoplasty office, and the town gathers in front of Ton's Rhinoplasty. Bleachers are in place, andn the kids take up seats in them]
Mayor McDaniels:This is it, people! This is what we've all been working for! The future of our town depends on us being on our best behavior! No swearing, no weirdness, and no speeches! [everyone looks at Kyle, who motions as if to say something]
Johnson:He's coming!
Mayor McDaniels:Go! go! Everyone in place! [all the adults gather by Tom's Rhinoplasty]
Townsman:Oh look! [a female conductor leads the kids in a rendition of "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands" A car pulls up and a Whole Foods Market representative steps out. At thisi point, the song ends]
Mayor McDaniels:[approaches] Hello, sir. On behalf of everyone here in South Park, please let me say we aer very excited to be in consideration-
Whole Foods Rep:[ignores her] Everyone, please go about your business! I need to see this town in its normal goings on, to see if it is indeed a Whole Foods town.
[City Wok, day. Mr. Kim's child laborers are hard at work cleaning up the restaurant. A girl is up on a ladde cleaning one of the lanterns]
Tuong Lu Kim:[comes in from the left side] Okay, looking good, child labor force. [claps three times] We gonna make a City Wok a updated and a beautiful. [heads back towards the kitchen and sings]
Let's go child labor force, let's go!
[returns to the dining area]
No no, Dennis, you don't use a too much cleaner on the table. That stuff expensive. Now risten everybody! This is a big day! We gonna take the business back from a-SodoSoPa! And how we gonna do it, child labor force?! That's right, by taking pride in our work! With the way this prace is looking, we gonna have people rushing in any second!
Man 2:[voice only] Okay, everyone go about your business.
Tuong Lu Kim:Oh! Here they come!
Man 3:[voice only] Everyone act normal. No, don't act normal, act good!
Tuong Lu Kim:There they go. [runs to the entrance] Wait, wait! [runs outside] City Wok! Take ur order prease?! Take ur- [quiet voice, as no one comes back] Take ur order ... prease? [a different camera angle shows a Red Lobster across the street from City Wok and Skeeter's Bar and Cocktails down the road.]
[South Park Elementary, day. The Mayor gives the Whole Foods representative a tour of the school]
Mayor McDaniels:The previous principal of the school was let go so that someone more progressive could take over.
PC Principal:[stands up] Hey bro, I'm the new principal of the school. My name's PC Principal.
Whole Foods Rep:"PC Principal." I like that. So you've just recently moved here?
PC Principal:That's right.
Whole Foods Rep:And do you believe this town is deserving of a whole Foods?
PC Principal:You know, I think it's changed a lot. I really do. I've seen some real progress. Definitely had some holdouts - people who went kicking and screaming into 2015, but yes, I think they deerve it.
Whole Foods Rep:Mmmmm-hm. [turns around] Show me a classroom please.
[Mr. Garrison's former classroom, Fourth Grade, moments later. A new female teacher is giving the class a lesson. she's sitting on a stool and shows the class some pictures from an open book.]
Teacher:But if Pluto isn't a planet, who can tell me what it is? [the door opens and the Mayor and representative walk in] Oh, hello.
Mayor McDaniels:This is our new fourth-grade teacher. She's very normal and professional.
Whole Foods Rep:Please continue as if I am not here.
Teacher:Okay, so uhh children, anyone wanna tell me what Pluto is classified as? [the Whole Foods Rep walks across the floor towards the windows] Anybody? Okay. [the Whole Foods Rep walks back] Well, Pluto is actually a dwarf planet. [Kyle and Stan look at each other] That means it's neither a planet nor a natural satellite, okay?
Whole Foods Rep:[to the Mayor] Is there a reason why the children with disabilities and black child are front and center? [" the moon. Who can tell me how big the moon is?"]
Mayor McDaniels:Oh no, that's just where they always sit, next to our beloved Craig there, who is a nomosexual. [Craig hears this and looks at her angrily. "Is it bigger? Smaller? Anyone wannan take a guess"]
Whole Foods Rep:Mmmmm-hm.
Mayor McDaniels:Uh, can, can I show you the most exciting part of town?
[SodoSoPa, day. The place is bustling, as usual. The Mayor and the Whole Foods Rep arrive to have a look]
Mayor McDaniels:This is historic SodoSoPa. It's our vibrant and charming arts and foods district. [Kenny is shown coming home from school. He opens the door, sees them, goes inside, and slams the door shut]
Whole Foods Rep:Hmmm, I enjoy how you've retained the lower-income housing with the updated and quaint urban developments.
Mayor McDaniels:That's really what our town is about. [Randy arrives with Stephen]
Randy:Oho, hello again. Stephen and I were just heading to SodoSoPa to enjoy some specialty foods. [the Whole Foods Rep turns around and looks at the vast open area across the street, and begins to survey it. Randy nudges Stephen a few times]
Whole Foods Rep:Hmmm. I have seen enough for today. I am weary. Where shall I sleep?
Mayor McDaniels:Oh yes, of course, uh...
Randy:Uh, well, tonight, you're at our Motel 6. But, we'd like to show you the plans for something extremely exciting.
[Second commercial]
Voice:You can't say "excitement" without saying "SodoSoPa." The food, the art, the nightlife. With the Lofts and Residences at SodoSoPa, all the action was just a few steps away. But what if you could actually live in the most central location that SodoSoPa has to offer? Well, now you can. Announcing: the Villas at Kenny's House. The most sought-after address in all of South Park for only the very privileged few. Now you can relax in your state-of-the-art deck spa while taking in views of that mixed SodoSoPa culture. [a view of the back of Kenny's house. Stuart and his wife are fighting, and the new neighbors can see it]
Stuart:Shut you damn mouth, bitch!
Mom:You shut your mouth or I'll shut-
Voice:But that's not all. The Villas at Kenny's hoiuse will also feature access toa private fitness center, clubhouse, and so much more. Plus a breezeway to the proposed Whole Foods just steps away. [PROPOSED WHOLE FOODS NOT YET CONFIRMED] The Villas at Kenny's House. Welcome Home.
[City Wok, night. Tuong Lu Kim sighs and works the cash register. He counts the day's earnings. Before him is Kenny, the one kid left after the day is done, mopping the floor]
Tuong Lu Kim:Hey, that's okay. We close. All the other child laber go home.
Kenny:[stops mopping] (I'm not going home until I get this floor as clean as I can.)
Tuong Lu Kim:I like you, Dennis. You work a real hard. [ands Kenny a dollar] I wish I could give you more. You deserve more. [walks over to a window] But I thnk I'm gonna have to shut down. Now that SodoSoPa open, I'm the shitty part of town. And everyone hates the shitty part of town.
Kenny:(Yes. I know what you mean.)
Tuong Lu Kim:Oh, what do you know about living in the shitty part of town, Dennis?
Kenny:[drops the mop] (Hey, I have an idea.)
Tuong Lu Kim:You have idea?
Kenny:(I actually do!)
Tuong Lu Kim:Oho! That's the spirit! Let's go child labor! [clap clap clapclapclap] Let's go child labor! [they both clap clap clapclapclap]
[A ranch in South Park, day. The the rancher, Mayor, and Whole Foods Rep stand behind a fence]
Whole Foods Rep:So these are the cattle that the local shops and restaurants are supplied with.
Rancher:Uh... these are local cows, yes.
Whole Foods Rep:And where does the burchery take place?
Rancher:Uh, that's right over there. [a ranch hand shoots a cow in the head, killing it on the spot]
Whole Foods Rep:And are the bullets made from reclaimed metals?
Mayor McDaniels:I believe they are. Rancher, could you make sure?
Fr. Maxi:Randy, Stephen, we;ve got a big problem! The owner of City Wok has child labor making videos for him!
Randy:Oh Jesus! We forgot all about that guy!
Bob:[sees the Whole Foods Rep turn around and nudes Randy] Shhh!
Fr. Maxi:It's all over the place. He's tryin' to revitalize his rundown neighborhood! [teh Mayor follows the rep's gaze]
Randy:God, why do the economically challenged always have to screw up everything?! [turns around to face the Mayor] We're gonna head back to SodoSoPa for some curious fusion delights. [turns around and leads the other thre emen away] Come on, we'll get that asshole!
[Third commercial]
Tuong Lu Kim:There's a new and exciting prace where people can gather to shop, experience and grow. This is an all-new food and nightrife district. This, is CtPaTown. Where else but CtPaTown can you get all the city hot spots and city food that South Park is known for? In the mood for some local seafood? Red Robster has all the freshest from Coloraod's many oceans. Or if a handcrafted ale is more your thing, head on down to Skeeter's Bar for local ales like a Coors or a Coors Lite. And then, of course, there's City Wok, South Park historic Asian fusion restaurant, featuring City Chicken and City Sour Soup. The state-of-the-art toilet is designed for men and women [just a regular toilet and bathroom. No urinal] and is a great place for you to squeeze out all the city food you've enjoyed. Now South Park has another neighborhood to mingle and rerax. CtPaTown. Welcome Home.
[City Wok, day. Mr. Kim has all his workers there, waiting for the doors to open]
Tuong Lu Kim:Oh boy, get ready child rabor force! Any minute now, we gonna have a-customers up our ass!
Townfolk:Get him! There he is! That son of a bitch! Get him! Stop him!
Tuong Lu Kim:Oh boy, here they come! [turnsn to Kenny]You were right, Dennis! CtPaTown commercial did the trick! [heads back to the counter and turns around] Get ready for custoomers, child rabor force! [the adults rush in and fan out] Welcome City Wok, take your order PREASE. [Fr. Maxi takes Tuong Lu Kim, Officer Barbrady takes Kenny]
Kenny:(What. The. Fuck?!) [the other adults take the rest of the kids. Tey all rush out of the restaurant]
Randy:Alright, take these kids and hide them in the-
Kenny:(Come on, dude, I've gotta make some money!)
Randy:Ow! You little-! [kicks Kenny down]
Girl:Get him! [a massive fight breaks out between the adults and the child labor force]
Tuong Lu Kim:Fight, child rabor force! Frank from the reft!
Whole Foods Rep:[shows up with the Mayor and clears his throat] Ahem, ahehem! [all the fighting stops and Mayor McDaniels is dismayed at this bad behavior. The adults put the kids down and smile, the kids stay as they are] I've never seen a town put so much energy into displaying an exaggerated sense of social consciousness. Congratulations, you have your Whole Foods. [the adults cheer and disperse.]
Tuong Lu Kim:Wait wait, anybody want City Chicken?? Anybody?? Take ur order prease??? [jumps a few times in frustration, then sighs] I'm sorry, Dennis. You rearry tried to help. I guess it's over. Come on inside. I'll pay you the child rabor wage you deserve.
[Kenny's house at SodoSoPa. Kenny goes home after work. He goes inside his house and passes by the TV, which is showing Hee Haw. The picture tends to flicker betwwen color and black and white]
Stuart:[cynically] Well? Did you make any money?
Kenny:[stops and looks] (Yes, I did make some money.) [continues to the bedrooms]
Stuart:Ha, told ya! That's how it works in this damned coutnry.
[A bedroom. Kenny opens the door and looks in. Karen, who is sharing the room with Kevin, sits up in her bed and looks at Kenny]
Karen:[whispers as Kenny goes to her bed] What are you doing, Kenny? [Kenny takes off his vack pack and opens it, pulling out a blonde Mama Baby dall. He hands it to her and she gasps in anticipation] Wow! This is mine?
Kenny:(It's yours, Karen) [closes his back pack and puts it on, then leaves the bedroom. He stops to look at her take the doll out of its box]
Karen:Hi. [Kenny closes the door and goes to his own room. He drops the back pack on the floor and goes straight to bed. Life outside at SodoSoPa bustles on, with the thumping music.]
[Fourth commercial. City Wok is still here, but something new is next to it. It's the Whole Foods Market, which shows that CtPaTown got the store, not SodoSoPa. The Stotches approach the store. A worker turns a sign around so that customers know the store is open. The Blacks are inside checking out loaves of bread. Officer Barbrady has purchased some meat at the meat counter. Gerald is walking a dog while Sheila pulls Ike around in a Radio Flyer. Kyle helps out. Mr. Gueermo passes Dr. Mephesto on a bike and waves hi to him. Darryl Weathers passes in front of Liane on his own bike. They wave hello to each other, smiling. Randy carries Stan, who is pointing out something to him]
Voice:There's a time when a town becomes more than it was. [Someone pours himself some coffee. Butters and Linda look at cakes. Mr. Mackey is chatting with the Mayor] When the people take that bold step into making things better. [a bearded worker - Mr. Adams - glances at the camera. Craig points out some deli meats to him mom] To progress. [a shot of two child workers and their mother] To change. [another child worker and his parents] To not be what you were in the past. [a boy and his parents. Wendy glides by on her skateboard] This is a new place, ready for the next decade. [Sharon and Linda walk out with groceries] Updated, revitalized, [Kenny opens his front door and looks out. SodoSoPa is abandoned, its signs falling down] and ready to fit in with the most progressive towns in America. [PC Principal lowers his Oakleys a bit and nods at the camera] This... is South Park. [a shot of the Mayor and Randy, with a few families, facing the camera at Whole Foods. Cartman and Kyle are in the background] Welcome Home.
Cartman:Are the Mexicans actually staying?
[End of The City Part of Town.]