Mitgeschrieben und dem Planearium zur Verf├╝gung gestellt von Willie Westwood (South Park Scriptorium)

Episode 1208 - The Ungroundable


The Goth kids
Three boys playing soccer
Mr. Mackey
Principal Victoria
Liane Cartman
Steven and Linda Stotch
Lead Vampire - Vampir, aka Mike Makowski
Pink Vampire - Bloodrayne, aka Lynn Kitty Gelsa
Sparkly Vampire - Annie Bartlett
Spiky Vampire - Ryan Ellis
Cowlick Vampire
Midnight Vampire
Shades Vampire
Little Vampire
Hot Topic Clerk

[South Park Elementary, day, computer lab. Mr. Mackey is guiding the fourth graders through some computer operations by reading from a book]
Mr. Mackey:M'kay, so now the computer will show a command bar, m'kay, and we type in "x = y + 1." Mkay, and then it says we hit Command-Y to bring up the menu screen.
Cartman:Oh man, you've got to be kidding me. Goddamn Japs are everywhere. [Cartman is playing a video game set in World War II Japan.]
Mr. Mackey:M'kay, now right-click on menu item "Equate O" and type in "input y."
Kyle:Nah, dude. Are you on America's side, Stan? [looks like all the other kids are playing the same game.]
Stan:No, I'm on the Japanese side.
Cartman:Oh, who just shot me? [Bebe leans back in her chair, looks at Cartman, and gives him the finger]
Mr. Mackey:M'kay, let's see, uh the right-click is the upper-right... [his voice softens to a whisper] uhhh, but then what the hell is the? [closes the book and goes back to normal voice] Okay kids, I'm gonna need to get some clarificaiton on this. Uh, just keep entering the calculations; I'll be right back, m'kay.
Cartman:U-hohhh dude, I wish I had a real flamethrower. It works awesome on Japs.
Butters:[runs into the lab and hides behind the wall] Oh my God, Oh my God! [runs up to Stan] Stan! Stan, we have a big problem.
Stan:Dude, what?
Butters:There's vampires in the school!
Butters:Vampires. I've seen them.
Stan:Dude, aw! Who's using the flak jacket cheat?!
Red:Not a cheat if you rank up.
Butters:Ugh. [goes over to Kenny] Kenny, there's a vampire on the loose. Lynn Kitty Gelsa was hanging out with him, and now she's a vampire too!
Kyle:Butters, there's no such things as vampires.
Butters:[goes over to Kyle] But there is. You guys gotta believe me. First there was just a couple, but now it's like they're growing. They have fangs and drink blood and everything.
Cartman:All right Butters, will you go document the vampires' movements so we know what their intentions are.
Butters:Really? Do you think that's best?
Cartman:Yeah, now get out of here.
Butters:All right! [runs to the entrance, then turns around] If I don't make it back, tell my mom what happened to me. [turns back and runs out]
Cartman:Oh-hohhh, you got pwned, Bebe, you Jap bitch!
[The school gym, day. Six kids sit on the bleachers in the otherwise empty building - four boys, two girls. They look somewhat like the Goth kids.]
Lead Vampire:Isn't this cool? This time of day nobody's in the gym. We should make this one of our official South Park Vampires Club hangouts.
Spiky Vampire:That's an awesome newe coat, Mike. Totally badass.
Vampir:Don't call me Mike, my name is Vampir now.
Spiky Vampire:Oh, that's cool.
Midnight Vampire:[wears a coat showing arm bones] I'm gonna change my name to Vladimir.
Vampir:You can't; it's too close to Vampir. [Butters rises up from one end of the bleachers just enough to see the vampire kids]
Butters:[pulls out a tiny tape recorder and starts dictating into it] 12:32 p.m. Vampires meeting in the school gymnasium. Leader appears to be a fifth grader.
Sparkly Vampire:You know that girl Bella in Twilight? I think I'm like her. I'm a psi vampire. Do you like the sparkles I got?
Butters:[into his recorder] Annie Bartlett is a psi vampire
Vampir:Yeah, I'm more a sanguinarian vampire in that I rely more on the life force energy, per se.
Spiky Vampire:Hehyeah, I'm gonna be a hybrid vampire, both psi and sanguinarian
Butters:That's Ryan Ellis. Looks like they've gotten to him too.
Pink Vampire:Lunchtime's almost over. Should we drink some more blood?
Other Vampires:Yeah! Cool!
Vampir:Yeah, and then I think it's time for us to feed, per se. [opens a bottle of Clamato and pours some into the pink vampire's goblet.]
Butters:[d] Oh God I think they're gonna drink blood now. They've got some kind of chalice, and they're [clock] uhn... [he's run out ot tape. It rewinds to the very beginning and plays back]
Tape:Toot toododoo! [Butters frantically presses buttons trying to stop the tape] It's the Big Texas Butters show! And now here he is, Big Texas Butters! Why howdy there, partners. I'm Biiig Texas Butters. And this is my horse, Toast. Happy Trails, to youuu. [he turns off the tape record, relieved. Until he looks around and jumps from being startled] AAHHH.
Vampir:Ummm, what are you doing?
Butters:[puts some distance between himself and them] Stay back! [whips out a golden cross] For real, stay back! Hwa! Heah! The body of Christ compels you! The body of Christ compels you! [runs away without his tape recordr] Hwaaaahh!
[The school hallway, later. Mike is at his locker]
Pink Vampire:That kid was really scared of us.
Vampir:That's true, Bloodrayne. People are going to be frightened of us because they don't understand our ways, per se.
Spiky Vampire:Heeyeah, we're cool, huh? [the Goth kids happen upon the Vampire kids]
Goth 1:What the hell are those kids doing?
Henrietta:Why are they all drerssing like that all of a sudden?
Goth 1:Are they trying to be Goth?
Goth 2:No, they're vamp. They wear plastic fangs and drink freaking Clamato juice.
Henrietta:But they can't dress like that. That's our style.
Midnight Vampire:Hey, Tommy Petros is thinking he might wanna be a Vamp kid too.
Vampir:Tommy Petros? Is he cool?
Bloodrayne:Yeah, he's cool enough.
Vampir:All right. [the Vamps and Goths face each other]
Goth 1:So, all of a sudden you Justin and Britney wannabes think it's cool to dress like us?
Vampir:We dress the way our souls feel, to express the darkness, per se.
Goth 2:Aren't you Mike Makowski?
Vampir:That's Vampir Makowski now.
Henrietta:You kids need to all go put your freakin' Banana Republic clothes back on, right now!
Sparkly Vampire:Hey, we're just as dark as you guys, maybe darker!
Goth 1:Really. Do you guys even smoke?
Vampir:Of course not. Smoking's bad for you.
Other Vamps:Yeah.
Goth 1:[buries his face in his left hand] Oh my Gohhd.
Vampir:You know, you guys are really giving off a negative human energy. We prefer to take our darkness somewhere else, per se.
Goth 1:All right, Count Fagula, you just do that. [the Vamps leave]
[Butters' house, after school. Butters runs inside in a panic, looks around, then heads for the sofa]
Butters:Mom, Mom, I gotta tell you somethin'! You're not gonna believe it!
Linda:[sewing a scarf] Not now, Butters. Your father wants to have a talk with you in the kitchen. He is not happy.
Butters:Oh no, what did I do this time?
Linda:You just march on in there.
Butters:[hangs his head and goes in] Oh Jeez...
[The kitchen. Butters walks in and looks at Steven, who's by the sink waiting with his arms crossed. To his left are a glass of milk and a box of Hamburger Helper]
Steven:You see this, Butters?! It's a glass of milk I poured for myself! And you see this?! [holds up the box] It's Hamburger Helper! [Butters doesn't know what his father is getting at] Now would you mind telling me what Hamburger Helper is doing in this glass of milk?! [Butters begins to clap softly, nervously] Why is Hamburger Helper in a glass of milk, Butters?!
Butters:I have no idea, sir.
Steven:I'll tell you why! [walks over to the pantry and opens the door] Our pantry is always kept organized alphabetically! But somebody put the Hamburger Helper where the Nestle Quik is supposed to go!
Butters:Uh, well I'm sorry, Dad. Ih it's just that I've been really preoccupied lately. You see, there are these kids at school and they want-
Steven:What keeps a family together, Butters?!
Butters:A well-organized pantry.
Steven:That's right! [starts throwing food out of the pantry on to the floor] If you keep putting food under the wrong letter, it all goes wrong! [stops] Now you will reorganize this entire pantry, and you will do it right!
Butters:Well okay, but Dad, you've gotta listen to me. Kids at school are starting to change. They've been acting-
Steven:You do it right now or you're going to be grounded! You got that?!
Butters:[hangs his head] Yes sir. [Steven walks away. Butters turns to the task at hand and begins putting stuff away] Jeez. Nobody will even listen to me. It's like nobody even cares if there's vampires at the school. I try to help and all I ever do is get hollered at. I bet vampires never get hollered at. Vampires just get to do whatever they want. [begins to think of something]
[South Park Elementary, next day, recess. The Vamp kids are on the merry-go-round gathered around Vampir]
Vampir:[reading from a book] ...All mortals share a soft repose,
My soul doth dreadful vigils keep,
More keen than which hell scarcely knows.
Sparkly Vampire:What is that kid doing?
Butters:[walks towards them with hands outstretched] Oh Jesus, oh God, Butters, what are you doing? [pulls out the crucifix he used on them a few days before and sets it down on the snow, then continues towards them, hands outstretched] I, I'm Butters.
Butters:O creatures of the night, I seek audience to engage with thee in unholy darnation and thus do... a-a-and thus do unto your bidding!
Butters:Oh, uh... I wanna be a vampire.
Cowlick Vampire:You're not cool enough to be one of us.
Butters:Yeah, I know, but uhhh, I think I would make a really good vampire if you just, n, gi, well just give me the opportunity.
Vampir:We'll think about it. Go get us some sodas out of the pop machne in the commony.
Butters:Yes! Yes, anything else?
Midnight Vampire:I want some Cheetos.
Butters:Soda and Cheetos, yes. I'll be right back.
[The Goth Corner at South Park Elementary. The Goth kids are listening to music as a soccer ball rolls to a stop in front of them]
Singer:I'm not part of your society. I don't follow your fads and rules. Doctrines...
Boy 1:[with dark blond hair] Where did it go? Do you see where it went?
Boy 2:[with black hair] Yeah, it's right over there by those vampire kids. [Boy 1 retrieves the ball and walks away]
Goth 1:[delayed reaction] What? Hey. Hey! We aren't vampire kids, we're freakin' Goths!
Boy 1:Whatever, Dracula, why don't you turn into a bat or something?
Goth 2:So lame. So... Lame...
Henrietta:You guys, I do not wanna be grouped in with douchey, little vampire kids.
Goth 2:Sooo lame! [two Vamps walk out of the door behind him]
Little Vamp:See? Isn't it cool back here? It's all dark and isolated.
Shades Vamp:This would be a great place for a Vampire meeting.
Henrietta:Get out of our space, you little twerps!
Goth 1:More preppy straight-A students turning into vampires. What the hell is going on?
[The woods, night. Butters is walking through them with drinks and some food. He reaches a small campfire where five of the six Vamps wait for him. Vampir is missing.]
Butters:I've done what you've asked. [sets down the goods] A case of Dr Pepper and Cherry Twizzlers. Who are you gonna give this to? I-I mean, vampires can't eat people food.
Vampir:[walks into view] You have done well. Are you ready to become one of us, per se?
Butters:Yeah, I guess.
Vampir:Are you sure? Because once you're in South Park Vampire Society, you can't ever leave.
Butters:Well I'm sick of bein'- pushed around. M-by my dad, by kids at school.
Vampir:Then it is time for your transformation, per se. Let us begin! [they all walk away, leaving behind the Dr. Pepper and Twizzlers. They walk to South Park Mall] This way. Prepare thyself. [the mall is still open, so they walk over to Hot Topic and enter. The Vamps begin checking out clothes for Butters to wear as a new Vamp. The Midnight Vamp gets some fake teeth with fangs while the Cowlick Vamp gets some necklaces and rings. They outfit Butters with them. The Sparkly Vamp gets some hairspray and she and the Spiky Vamp spray Butters' hair with it. Bloodrayne measures him for collars and bracelets. Finally, all six Vamps step away, and a new Vamp is born]
Vampir:And now you shall drink vampire blood, and your transformation will be complete, per se! [walks away and pours out a a bottle of Clamato juice into a goblet for Butters to drink] With this thy transfomation is done. [Butters takes a sip, then immediately spits it out]
Butters:Oh, that tastes awful! Blagh, blagh. [the Vamps leave Hot Topic]
Vampir:It is finished! Welcome, Butters, to the South Park Society of Vampires. [Butters begins to laugh, then cackle.]
[Butters' home, night. He walks into the living room, and Steven runs up to him]
Steven:There you are, Butters! Do you know what time it is?! Where have you been?! [Butters just walks by]
Linda:Butters, what have you done to your hair? [Butters heads for the stairs]
Steven:Hey! Butters, we are talking to you! Explain yourself, mister! [Butters stops]
Butters:I no longer need to explain anything to you, Father!
Linda:What on Earth?
Steven:That does it! You are grounded for two weeks, you got that?!
Butters:You can't ground me! For I am neither living nor dead! How can thy ground that which is... ungroundable. [smiles knowingly. His parents are perplexed]
Steven:All right, I don't know what's gotten into you, mister, but you're gonna- [Butters hisses at him] Ah!
Linda:Butters? [Butters hisses at them a few times, and Linda clings to Steven. Butters goes upstairs]
Butters:I am going to my room now! For I must slumber, per se. [his parents are stunned and just look at each other.]
[Principal's Office, day]
Principal Victoria:Now, kids, I understand that you are very into this "vampire" thing, but I don't want to see it get out of hand. You kids need to understand that your new little fad is scary to some.
Goth 1:...Oh my God. You've got the wrong flippin' people.
Goth 2:[slowly, for emphasis] We aren't vampires.
Principal Victoria:I know that you aren't really vampires, and I appreciate that you wanna be cool because vampires are the "in" thing right now, but-
Goth 1:We aren't trying to be popular!
Principal Victoria:-but just make sure that this new little trend doesn't become a distraction. [the door opens behind the Goths]
Mr. Mackey:[enters with Vampir and two younger Vamps] Here's a couple more, Principal Victoria, hm'kay.
Vampir:Oh n, oh no, are we in trouble?
Principal Victoria:I was just telling your friends about what I expect of your-
Goth 2:[slowly, for emphasis] We aren't friends!
Vampir:Don't worry, Ma'am. As I was just explaining to my new minions, vampires are actually very spiritual [the minions smile] and deep beings, per se.
[The waiting room outside the Principal's office. The Goths exit and immediately whip out smokes and lighters]
Goth 2:Allison Merch is a vampire kid now? This thing isn't going to stop.
Goth 1:Let's just face it: they bogarted our style! Everyone's gonna think we're trying to be butthole vampires now. We might as well go to the freakin' Gap and just buy normal clothes.
[Goth Corner, a day or two later. The Goths are now dressed as normal kids, but their hair is still colored as before.]
Goth 1:Well, at least nobody can refer to us as vamipire kids now. [the soccer ball bounces towards the Goth kids again and stops in front of Henrietta]
Boy 1:It went this way?
Boy 3:[with very short hair] Yeah, it's over there by that fat girl, the big-nosed kid, the midget, and the kid with pock marks on his face. [Boy 1 sees the ball, walks over, picks it up, and leaves]
Goth 2:So we're back to that, are we?
Kindergarten Goth:Shit.
Goth 1:[stands up] Let's get out of these freakin' Gap clothes.
[Cartman's room, night. He's asleep with the covers off. All of a sudden, Butters is perched on the inside of Cartman's window doors. The other one is open. Butters hisses.]
Butters:Sory, Eric, but I am a vampire now, and I can no longer survive on human food. And if someone must die so that I can feed, I choose thee. [he jumps down from the window and hops onto Cartman's bed, ready to pounce on his throat. He wiggles his fingers, then relaxes them and grips Cartman's head and back] Hm, wonder which side I'm supposed to do it on, hm. Probably doesn't matter. [rears back and bites into Cartman's neck, making sucking sounds. Cartman wakes up and looks at him]
Cartman:Butters? [Butters continues] Butters?! [Butters backs up and then hops off the bed]
Butters:I can't do it. A-hi, I can't do ihit!
Cartman:Dude, gross, you got spit all over my neck! Mom! Butters just gave me a hickey!
Buttes:I'm so hungry, but just, just remembering how that blood tasted before ju- blood is all clammy and tomato-y. It makes me wanna... [he vomits on Cartman's floor]
Cartman:DUDE! [Liane enters]
Liane:You all right, sweetie?
Cartman:[advances and hisses at Liane, then runs out through the window and crashes to the ground outside.] U-huh. [bumps into something] Ow.
Liane:What's going on?
Cartman:Well, Mom, apparently Butters is gay, finds me very attractive, and, confused about his sexual identity, puked up all over my floor!
Liane:Oh dear.
[Henrietta's room, later. The Goth kids are hanging out there.]
Goth 2:I walked into the cafeteria today. Rebecca Miller and Philip Russ were dressed like vampires drinking Clamato juice.with four kids from the football team.
Kindergarten Goth:Jesus.
Goth 1:It's like, there's more vampire kids every freakin' day. Why is this happening. I mean, why now?
Goth 2:Doesn't matter why. Pretty soon, the whole school is going to be an endless hive of conformist happy-go-lucky vampire wannabes.
Henrietta:It seems like that preppy Mike Makowski kid started all this. Maybe he's the way to stopping it.
Goth 1:Whattaya mean?
Henrietta:I mean, what do you do when you want to change vampires back to normal? You get rid of the head vampire.
[A car night. The Goth kids are in it, with Henrietta at the wheel]
Goth 1:Does your mom know you took her car?
Henrietta:Do I care?
Goth 2:All right, this is probably good enough.
Goth 1:Yeah, pull over here. [Henrietta pulls over, properly, and the Goth kids leave the car. Henrietta stops by the trunk and pops it open. Inside is Vampir, all tied up.]
Vampir:[tied up and gagged] Please, what do you want?! Let me go!
Goth 2:What should we do with him?
Goth 1:Well, if he's a vampire, I guess we should drive a stake through his heart.
Vampir:No! I'm not really a vampire! I'm not a vam-, I'm not a vampire!
Goth 2:[leans in and puts his hand to his left ear] What's that?
Vampir:I'm not really a vampire.
Goth 2:You're not really a vampire? Really? I'm so freaking shocked. [moves off and joins the other Goths]
Goth 1:If we get the right packaging, we can just Fedex him somewhere far way.
Goth 2:How about we send him to Transylvania?
Goth 1:No, he'd probably see it as something to brag about someday to his little vampire buddies.
Henrietta:If we're gonna send him somewhere, it should be the more horrible, most miserable place on Earth.
Goths:[after a few seconds of contemplation] Scottsdale.
[The Stoch house. Butters' parents are upstairs. Linda is pounding on the door trying to get Butters to open it.]
Linda:Butters, we just got a call from Mrs. Cartman. Butters? [tries to open the door, but finds it locked] Unbelievable! He's locked the door. [She and Steven change places and Steven tries opening the door, but it won't open. He pounds on the door.]
Steven:Butters, this is your father! Explain why you snuck into another boy's bedroom and gave him a hickey! [Butters is in his bed, his arms crossed over his chest. On the headboard are four lit candles. He's hyperventilating] Butters?! Butters, you will open this door right now!
Butters:What have I done to myself? I should have known I wouldn't have the stomach to be a vampire. I am so hungry.
Steven:Butters, you have five seconds to unlock this door! [counts up with his fingers] One! Two! [the door is unlocked and opened a little. Steven pushes the door in and it creaks. Steven and Linda enter slowly. They see his window is wiiide open and he's not in bed. There are lit candles everywhere] Uhh, Bu-Butters?
Butters:Hey Dad. [he's crouching on top of his bookcase and startles Steven]
Steven:AAAARH! Buh. Bu-Butters, did you get gay with one of your schoolmates tonight?!
Butters:I have to eat! But I can't do it. I'm getting weeeak.
Steven:[angrily] All right! Now you listen, and you listen good! Until you stop behaving this way, you are NOT going to leave this room! Do you understand?!
Butters:Dahhh. [hops down from the bookcase and tries to hop onto his toy box, but he trips and lands on the floor. He gets up, climbs onto the toy box and crouches on the window sill, and hisses at them] I know now what I have to do! [hops down to the ground outside] Myah!
Linda:[walks over to the open window] Steven, what has happened to our boy?
Steven:[joins her there] He's become something, Linda. Something that... we cannot ground.
[Village Inn, night. The Goths are inside drinking coffee and moping around]
Goth 2:I just. Don't. Get it. We sent the head vampire kid to Scottsdale, but still more and more kids are dressing up like vampires.
Henrietta:He must not have been what was causing it. It must be something else.
Waitress:Hey you kiids gonna order any food or just sit there and drink coffee all night again? [pours them another round]
Henrietta:Leave us alone!
Waitress:Bad enough I always get stuck with you Goth kids, now I got Goth kids in my entire section. [she points to them with her left thumb; there are two booths bursting with Vamps. One has seven Vamps, the other has nine.]
Goth 1:They aren't Goth! They're douchey little vampire kids!
Waitress:Looks the same to me.
Goth 1:I bet they aren't even drinking coffee.
Waitress:[turns to face the Vamps] No, they said they're too young to drink caffeine, so they're havin' orange juice. [turns left and walks away. Goth 1 drops his head on the table and keeps it there]
Henrietta:Let's go over there and tell them they're not taking Village In from us too.
Goth 1:Forget it! It's over, all right? There's too many of them now. We can't stop them. Let's just face it. The freakin' vampires beat us.
Butters:Maybe not. [hisses. He's on all fours on the ledge behind the booths] Did you say you're trying to get rid of the vampires? [crawls closer to the Goths] I want to help you.
Henrietta:Get away, douchebag.
Butters:Some legends say that if you destroy the vampires' lair, the vampires go back to being human again.
Goth 1:What are you talking about?
Butters:I can take you... to the place where kids are being transformed into vampires. [the Goths look at each other]
[Soth Park Mall, sometime later. Butters leads the Goths to the Place of Transformation, Hot Topic.]
Goth 1:Awww, Hot Topic? When did this open?
Butters:Two weeks ago. It used to be a Banaaana Repuuubliiic.
Goth 2:Of course. Freaking Hot Topic. That explains everything.
Goth 1:How did we not figure that out? Of course a new Hot Topic must have come to town. Duh!
Henrietta:Well, I think we all know what has to be done.
Goth 2:Yup.
Goth 1:Let's get to it. [they turn and head into the store. They get aerosol cans and fan out across the store, start spraying, and light the sprays with their lighters, turning the cans into makeshift flamethrowers]
Singer:Burn down down, burn down Hot Topic.
Don't let it steal your soul away.
Burn down, burn down Hot Topic.
Light the fire. Take control.
Burn down, burn down Hot Topic.
Don't let it take your soul.
Burn down, burn down, burn down Hot Topic.
And take control.
Burn down... Hot Topic.
Burn it down... Hot Topic.
[While the song is playing, the following happens: Goth 2 is the first to torch some clothes. Henrietta follows with the belts and scarves. Goth 1 begins to torch the jewelry]
Clerk:Hey, what the hell are you doing?!
Goth 1:You should probably get out of here. [the kindergarten Goth torches some clothes. Henrietta torches the fake teeth and products with fangs on them. Goth 2 torches the sign announcing 25% off body jewelry and fashion belts. Outside, Bloodrayne and the Spiky Vamp arrive in shock]
Spiky Vamp:What the hell are they doing??
Butters:They're putting an end to it! [the clerk runs out of the store]
Clerk:AAAAAAAAAAAAH! [the Goths continue torching the store until it's thoroughly engulfed in flames, then they walk out and leave. The Hot Topic sign above the entrance crashes to the floor.]
[The Stotch house, night. Liane is sewing again, Steven is reading the South Park Gazette.]
Butters:[enters the living room happily] Mom, Dad! [closes the front door, runs to the sofa, and stands on the sofa between them.] I changed back!
Butters:Goth kids burned down the Hot Topic, and sure enough, soon as they did I tried eatin' a hot dog and it tasted good. My vampire teeth even fell out when I bit into it. I'm human again!
Linda:We have no idea what you're talking about, Butters, but we're glad you're home.
Steven:That's right son. There's only one thing I care about.
Butters:What's that, Dad?
Steven:Well, would you mind telling me why there's Rice-A-Roni in my coffee?!
Butters:Uh oh.
Steven:Butters, you are grounded!!
Butters:Ahh, dangit! [hangs his head and walks up the stairs to his room.]
Steven:It worked, Linda. Our son is groundable once more. [they hug each other]
[The South Park Elementary School gym, day. The Goth kids address the rest of the school, who are seated on the bleachers]
Goth 1:[at the mic] Fellow students. Over the past week there's been a lot of confusion, and so we have asked for this assembly to clarify the difference between Goth kids and Vampire kids. Let us make it abundantly clear: if you hate life, truly hate the sun, and need to smoke and drink coffee, you are Goth. If, however, you like dressing in black 'cause it's "fun," enjoy putting sparkles on your cheeks and following the occult while avoiding things that are bad for your health, then you are most likely a douchebag vampire wannabe boner. Because anybody who thinks they are actually a vampire is freaking retarded. [two seconds later everyone begins to applaud the speech. During the applause, Goth 2 steps up to the mic and gives everyone the finger]
Goth 2:Fuck all of you.
[End of The Ungroundable.]