Cartman / The Coon
Stan / Toolshed
Kyle / Human Kite
Craig / Supercraig
Tweek / Wonder Tweek
Jimmy / Fastpass
Kenny / Mysterion
Clyde / Mosquito
Token / Tupperware
Heidi
Adam Borque
Chaos #35
Wilson Aubrey
Officers Barkley and Foley
Doctor
Elderly Couple
Man 1
Man 2
Mark Zuckerberg
Mr. Mackey
Operator 1
Operator 2
Putin
Randy Marsh
Richard and Mrs. Tweek
Ryan and Sarah Valmer
Sgt. Yates
Stephen and Linda Stotch
Steve Black
Thomas Tucker
Woman 1
Woman 2
Worker 1
Worker 2
| [South Park, day. People are going about their business when a flash zips by, rustling everything near it.] | |
| Man 1: | What on Earth was that? |
| Jimmy: | [voice over] My name is Jimmy Valmer. [He zips around town, startling people here and there. Two boys playing basketball almost lose it when he zips by them] And I am very... [stops] f-f-fast. [General Medical Center, day] When I was born, my parents knew I was different. |
| Doctor: | [handing baby Jimmy to his parents] I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Valmer, your newborn son will never be able to walk. But he will be extremely good at comedy. [Sarah cries as she uncovers his face] |
| Baby Jimmy: | [already with a mic in his hand] Wow! What a teh-t-teh-terrific audience. [Sarah sobs some more] |
| [Chuckles Improv, night. Jimmy is working on his delivery] | |
| Jimmy: | [voice over] As I got older, my powers only increased. |
| Jimmy: | [on stage] What do you call cheese that isn't yours? |
| Woman 1: | AAAAHHHH Help! [Jimmy zips away and returns moments later with a pickpocket tied up next to him] |
| Jimmy: | Nacho cheese. [gets a round of applause] |
| Jimmy: | [voice over] And now I look for others like me to fight crime as part of a superhero team. I am... Fas... Fastpass! [shown to be auditioning for a role in a superhero team headed by... the Coon. The current team members - Tupperware (Token), Mosquito (Clyde), The Coon, Toolshed (Stan), Human Kite (Kyle), and Mysterion (Kenny) - clap approvingly] |
| Cartman: | [The Coon] Okay, okay, thank you, Fastpass. What do you guys think? |
| Stan: | We definitely don't have anyone with superhuman speed in our franchise. |
| Token: | Fastpass, what makes you feel... qualified to be part of our cinematic universe? |
| Jimmy: | Well, besides being super f-f-fa-fast, I also have a good attitude, and flexibility with my schedule on weekends. |
| Cartman: | Fastpass, welcome to Coon and Friends. You are about to make a shitload of money. |
| [Coon and Friends: Franchise Prequel. Cartman's basement, day. He has his team assembled and begins to brief them on his plans] | |
| Cartman: | Alright, superheros, it's time to lay out our plan of action. As you can see, I have divided the franschise plan into three phases. Phase 1 begins with The Coon Netflix series and goes through the Coon and Friends United movie, where we introduce Toolshed and The Human Kite. In Phase 2 we do Coon vs. Fastpass followed by an origin movie about Mosquito. |
| Clyde: | Bzzzoh boy, I get my own origin movie, bzzz? |
| Cartman: | That's right. It's in Phase 2 that we introduce Tupperware, our black superhero, like an ace in the hole. |
| Stan: | Whoawhoa wait, how come we gotta start off with a Netflix series? Can't we just go right into movies? |
| Cartman: | Netflix is starving for new shows right now, Toolshed. They will literraly buy anything people pitch them. We need to strike while the iron's hot. Later in Phase 3 we can finally get to Civil War, where we will all- [the Coon alarm goes off and the bous look around] |
| Stan: | What is it? |
| Kyle: | Incoming Face Time call from Supercraig. [the boys leave their seats and gather around the monitor] |
| Cartman: | Onscreen! |
| Craig: | You guys, we have a big problem. |
| Cartman: | What is it, Supercraig? |
| Craig: | Somebody's messing with our Facebook page. They're spreading all these lies, saying we like, burn the American flag and pee in each other's mouths. |
| Stan: | Spreading lies how? |
| Craig: | Take a look. [holds up a picture of a mysterious boy and the Coon and Friends Facebook page] Soneone is systematically targeting our Facebook followers and feeding them misinformation. |
| Cartman: | Who would deliberatly use Facebook in such a horribly reckless way? |
| [The answer is coming right up. Butter's room, a storny night. He's on his computer looking at the Coon and Friends Facebook page, typing away and cackling] | |
| Stephen: | [opens the bedroom door to check in] Butters, you're not looking at boobies again, are you? |
| Butters: | No Dad, I'm not looking at boobies. [Stephen closes the door and Butters waits a few second before cackling again.] Waahahahahaha! |
| [South Park Elementary, day. Butters is switching out books in his locker as Cartman and the boys approach him. He closes his locker] | |
| Cartman: | Butters?! |
| Butters: | Oh. Uhn hey fellas. |
| Cartman: | Butters, are you using Facebook to fuck with our superhero franchise? |
| Butters: | Uuuuuuummm, nope. [turns around ans walks off]. The others wait a second or two before catching up |
| Stan: | Butters? Butters! |
| Butters: | [turns around] Yes, fellas? |
| Stan: | Dude, listen. We don't have time for this. Right now, Netflix is buying any show that people pitch them. We have a real shot at starting our franchise, and you are a part of that franchise plan, okay? We have movies planned for the bad guy. |
| Butters: | You mean like Sucide Squad? |
| Stan: | Yes! |
| Butters: | [in Stan's face] Sucide Squad sucked! [turns around and walks off again] |
| Kyle: | Butters! Butters! You can't just make stuff up about us! [Butters turns around again] People are thinking it's true! |
| Butters: | Look fellas, you have a right to be on facebook and I have a right to be on facebook. And sometimes that's going to cause a little... [makes a fist] CHAOS. [looks mischievous and gets slick] Gotta get to classss. |
| Kyle: | Dude, what a dick! |
| Cartman: | If we don't find a way to stop him, we're never gonna make any money, you guys. |
| [The Balmers' house, living room, day. The adults there are drinking coffee. Ryan Valmer addresses the other parents] | |
| Ryan: | Thanks for coming, everyone. I know you are all concerned as Sarah and I are about what's happening to our children. |
| Thomas: | I just... can't believe that children in our town are dressing up in hero costumes and peeing in each other's mouths. |
| Randy: | And who are these kids? Does anyone know? They're wearing capes and forcing objects into their own rectal cavities? Why? |
| Steve: | We were shocked to read that a young African-American boy is wearing Tupperware and defecating on girls while they sleep. What if those kids are hannging out with our kids? |
| Stephen: | You know what I think the problen is? Facebook. |
| Randy: | Facebook? How so? |
| Stephen: | Well, look, we all know there's a lot of mixing of truth and fiction that's been on Facebook lately, and chhildren lack the cognitive ability to determine what's true and what isn't on Facebook. That's why we now have young kids dressing up in costumes, eating poop, and having sex with antelopes in our town. |
| Thomas: | Maybe we need to get our kids off of Facebook. |
| Randy: | That'll never happen. You know what I say we do? Let's invite Mark Zuvkerberg to come and talk to us all about our concerns in this community. |
| Linda: | Do you really think he'd come? |
| Stephen: | Why not give it a try? Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg here and see what he has to say? I'm sure he's a reasonable person. [takes a sip] |
| [An abandoned Circuit City store, marked for lease. A boy walks towards it with a flyer in hand, He goes to a side door in the loading area and knocks] | |
| Butters: | [as Professor Chaos] Who are you?! What do you want?! |
| Adam: | I'm here about the job? [points to the flyer] |
| Butters: | Oh. Are you Adam? Well, come on in. [Adam walks in with Butters and Butters closes the door. Butters gives him a tour of the place] You're making a smart career choice, Adam. You see, what we do here is utilize Facebook not only to spreadk chaos, but to actually profit from it. You'll find the hours very reasonable and I'm working on getting full health and dental for all employees. [stops and gets a uniform off the shelves for Adam] Here's your company uniform. You see, what I've done, Adam, is build a completely self-sustaining Chaos machine [Adam exits the boys room as Chaos #28] - You look, you look fantastic - doing nothing more than what Facebook was designed to do. I make money from Facebook for my fake content in order to pay Facebook to promote my fake stories. And thusly we're growing bigger every day. Everyone, can I have your attention please? [the other workers look towards them] We have a new agent in Chaos. Please welcome Adam Borque. [the others clap for him] Here you go. You can take this workstation, Adam. Just start writing horrible things about people and presenting it as reality on Facebook. Alright! Don't forget we have a Chaos quota, gang! Let's really fuck shit up! [the workers resume their work] |
| [The school gym, day. A meeting is being held there: "Facebook in Your Community. Guest Speaker: Mark Zuckerberg"] | |
| Mr. Mackey: | Uh, alright, can everyone here me in the back? Huhkay, we're gonna get started here. I know you all have a lot of questions, so without further ado, let me introduce Mark Zuckerberg. [Zuckerberg walks up] Thanks for coming, Mr. Zuckerberg. |
| Mark: | [in a stilted manner. He speaks like this throughout the episode] Thank you. It is a great honor to be here amongs all of you. [immediately you can see his lips don't match his words] |
| Mr. Mackey: | For those of you who don't know uh, could you tell us who you are? |
| Mark: | I am the founder and chairman of Facebook. But I also have a shtyle that is completely unblockable. |
| Mr. Mackey: | Okay, we'll let him speak and then we'll uh open the floor to some questions if there's time, thank you. |
| Mark: | Thank you, right? [Mr. Mackey walks off] Alright, everyone here wants to see my shtyle. But first, what I'll need is a volunteer. Yes, you sir. |
| Man 2: | Mr. Zuckerberg, Facebook has become a tool for some to disrupt our country and our community. |
| Mark: | You say these things like they are my fault, and yet they are not. |
| Man 2: | Well, you did create a platform with a monetary incentive for people to spread misinformation? |
| Mark: | Ha ha ha ha ha! Now I see you're trying to use your shtyle over mine. Now, you try to block me. [assumes a fighting stance, puts his left palm out as far as it can go, and makes some odd sounds] Now you've learned that you cannot block me, yehhhs? [a woman raises her arm] Yes, what is your question? |
| Woman 2: | [stands up]How are we supposed to keep our kids-? [he interrups her with some more fighting stances and odd sounds, and she sits down] |
| [Address 20802, day. Coon and Friends ring the doorbell there. A boy opens the door and looks at them] | |
| Cartman: | Wilson Aubrey? |
| Wilson: | Yeah. |
| Cartman: | It's us, your heroes, Coon and Friends. We're uhm, just wondering why you stopped following us on Instagram? |
| Wilson: | Because you vitimize innocent people and poop in little girls' mouths. |
| Cartman: | That's not true, Wilson. We're Coon and Friends, not Harbey Weinstein. |
| Wilson: | Facebook says it's true. |
| Cartman: | But it's NOT true. |
| Wilson: | But Facebook says it's true. |
| Cartman: | [gets in his face] Okay, but it's NOT true, and you need to have your own fucking brain and decide shit for yourself! |
| Wilson: | AAAAA! [shuts the door on Cartman, who's taken aback. Cartman turns around and leaves the house, and the other Friends follow.] |
| Cartman: | God damnit! Let's just face it! We're never gonna have a superhero franchise! |
| Kyle: | It's so unfair. |
| Jimmy: | Come on, fellas. Wu-we can't let Butters win. |
| Cartman: | Forget it, Fastpass. The world hates us now. |
| Stan: | Yeah, nobody believes in us. |
| Jimmy: | W-we believe in each other, don't we? [the others look at him] Who cares what everyone else thinks? I joined this franchise because I believe that it can make a lot of money. And being a superhero means you keep believing in that money, no matter how hard things get! |
| Cartman: | Fastpass is right. We let all this distract us from what's important. We just need to get the Netflix series and let our superhero franchise speak for itself! |
| Kyle: | Coon, everybody hates us. |
| Cartman: | Maybe so, but we know who we are! We are Coon friends because we care about each other. Because we have each other's back! And when things look their darkest, these heroes will stand together! [Heidi walks up behind him] And we'll-! |
| Heidi: | Hey babe, what's up? [Cartman stands still a moment, then deflates, Several seconds later he sighs heavily a couple of times, closes his eyes, sniffle and groans, and puts his right hand over his right eye. He's at a loss for words as Heidi's smile fades] What are you up to? |
| Cartman: | [soft voice] Nothing, just fucking wearing sweet costumes and talking about fighting evil-is that okay? |
| Heidi: | I just- I thought we were meeting at the park. You didn't text or anything. |
| Cartman: | [soft voice] Oh my God, are you fucking kidding me right now? |
| Heidi: | Sorry! I won't interrupt! [turns around and walks off. Cartman checks to see if she's out of earshot] |
| Cartman: | Becasue we are Coon and Friends, and as long as we have each other, we can do anything! |
| [The Tweek house, day. Richard and his wife pull into their driveway, leave the car, and head for the front door.] | |
| Richard: | I swear, that was the worst public speaker I've ever seen. What was Mark Zuckerberg's point? |
| Nrs. Tweek: | I don't even understand what that was about. |
| Richard: | Guess nobody realized that Mark Zuckerberg was such a penis. |
| [The living room. The Tweeks enter and find Zuckerberg on their sofa eating a bowl of chips] | |
| Richard: | What the hell? |
| Nrs. Tweek: | It's Mark Zuckerberg. |
| Richard: | I know who it is! [to Zuckerberg] Excuse me, what are you doing here?! |
| Mark: | I was invited here by people. |
| Richard: | We invited you to come speak to our community about our problems! |
| Mark: | [assumes a fighting stance] Ah, I see what you did there. Trying to block me, riiight? I'm tired of eating chips. What else is there? [makes his way to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator] |
| Richard: | Hey! Get out of our fridge! |
| Mark: | Ha ha ha, this punyy refrigerator could not block me. What makes you think you can? |
| Richard: | Now you listen here! I will not-! [Zuckerberg puts up his left arm and holds it out as if creating a force field for blocking] Ha ha ha ha, you are no match for my shtyle. |
| [The supermarket parking lot, day. The Stotches reach their car and get in. As they buckle up, Mark jimps inot the back seat.] | |
| Mark: | So, where are we headed? Perhaps we should get some food. |
| Stephen: | What, eh. Excuse me, this is our car?! |
| Mark: | You call this a car? It wasn't even remotely able to block me. What is this car's shtyle? |
| Stephen: | Get, get out of here, ya pemis. |
| Mark: | Ha ha ha ha. You say I am a penis and yet I am not a penis. |
| [Netflix corporate offices, day. In a room full of telephone operators, one of them takes a call] | |
| Operator 1: | Netflix, you're greenlit. Who am I speaking with? |
| Cartman: | [from home] Uh yes, hello. We have an idea for a show that we think would be great for Metflix. |
| Operator 1: | Okay, great. Would you like a pilot or just go straight to an order of six episodes? |
| Cartman: | We'd like to go right into six episodes with a pickup option at the end of three. |
| Operator 1: | Got it. Can you start shooting next month? |
| Operator 2: | Got a show about transsexual dragons here. |
| Cartman: | Yyes. We are ready to start right now. We are very, very excited. |
| Operator 1: | Okay, sounds great, we'll send you the contracts. Oh, and uh, what's the show about? |
| Cartman: | It's a stand-alone series about a superhero called the Coon before he joins Coon and Friends. |
| Operator 1: | Coon and Friends? You mean, the kids I just read about in the news who stabbed Jessica Alba? |
| Cartman: | Look, you didn', you didn't read that on the news you read that on Facebook! |
| Stan: | Aw man, here we go. |
| Operator 1: | Yeah, ah, dangit, we've never done this before, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass on your show. |
| Cartman: | Listen to me! There are falsehoods about us on Facebook that are NOT TRUE! |
| Operator 1: | Well then, you should have those things taken down. It can't be that hard. |
| Cartman: | It's a lot harder than you think! |
| Operator 1: | L-look, we'd love to approve your show, but you need to get those things cleared up first, okay? Thanks for calling. [hangs up and takes the next call] Netflix, you're greenlit. Who am I speaking with? |
| [Coutnry Kitchen Buffet, evening. As an elderly couple eats dinner, Zuckerberg walks up tp them, sits down and takes the man's soup bowl without asking, and starts eating] | |
| Elderly Man: | What the? Who are you? |
| Elderly Woman: | I believe that's Mark Zuckerberg. |
| Elderly Man: | Hey that's my soup! |
| Mark: | [rises into a fighting stance] So, you are trying to block me, huh? That's fine. What's your shtyle? |
| Elderly Man: | I don't have a shtyle. |
| [The Valmer house, day. Ryan is in the master bathroom brushing his teeth. He finishes and walks back into the bedroom, where he finds Zuckerberg eating chips in his bed.] | |
| Ryan: | Hey! Get out of my bed! |
| Mark: | I was invited here. I am only making use of a bed for sleeping, yehhhs? |
| Ryan: | We just wanted you to come share your insights on Facebook! |
| Mark: | [makes some strange motions and sounds] Oh, my head, my head. [makes more strange motions and sounds] You should have worked with me when you had the chance. Now you lie over there, dead. |
| [The abandoned Circuit City store, day. Inside, Butters looks down from the second floor at his working staff] | |
| Butters: | Ah-tention employees. Kelly Shmidt has just written her 100th fake blog post that was shared over a thousand times on Facebook. Let's hear it for Kelly! [the staffers clap] Don't forget about those Chaos incentives! You too can benefit from pandemonium. [smiles. Coon and Friends show up and walk through the front doors] |
| Cartman: | Butters! |
| Adam: | Whoa no, it's Coon and Friends! [he and the other staffers hide under their desks ] |
| Chaos #35: | Oh no! |
| Butters: | Calm down, everyone. Stick to your work. I will deal with these trespassers. |
| Kyle: | We're here to put an end to you, Chaos! |
| Cartman: | Yeah! I don't have buttsex with antelopes and Token doeesn't poop in girls' nouths! |
| Butters: | It's the 21st century, gentlemen! There's nothing illegal about what I'm doing. |
| Jimmy: | Yeah? Nothing illegal about us kicking your ah...ass either. |
| Butters: | Actually, that IS illeggal. And besides, you can't do anything to me. [whistles. Zuckerberg emerges from the back of the store on the second floor, flips over the balcony, and lands in front of Butters] |
| Mark: | Bwaaaaaa! So, this is the Coon and Friends that you have told me about. [to the friends] I warn you, my fighting shtyle is unsurpassed. |
| Jimmy: | Who the ss-Sam Hell is th-that? |
| Clyde: | I think that's Mark Zuckerberg. |
| Mark: | You want to get to Butters, riiight? You're gonna have to get through me, huuuh?! |
| Stan: | Dude, this kid is deliberately lying about us on your platform for no other reason than to cause harm! Why are you protecting him?! |
| Mark: | Simple. He paid me $17.23. |
| Butters: | It's the Facebook Safeguard program. Just $17 monthly gets you personal protection from Marck Zuckerberg. |
| Mark: | Come on! What's your shtyle? |
| [The Park County Police Station, day. The townsfolk are gathered in front of it, protesting. Sgt. Yates begins to speak.] | |
| Sgt. Yates: | Alright, alright, everyond calm down! I can't hear over all of you. [the crowd quiets down] |
| Stephen: | You have to do something! This guy's goin' around acting like eveyrone's stuff is his! |
| Thomas: | I'm sick of getting out of the shower to find Mark Zuckerberg sitting on my toilet! |
| Steve: | Zuckerberg ate everything in our freezer and then helped himself to my wife's lubricant! [the crowd begins to clamor again] |
| Sgt. Yates: | Alright, everyone, I jsut want to know one thing. Who invited him here? [the crowd falls silent] Come on. Who invited Mark Zuckerberg to town in the first place? [the folks hang their head in shame] |
| Randy: | We did. [other townsmen say the same thing] |
| Sgt. Yates: | Huh? What's that? |
| Randy: | We invited Mark Zuckerberg to town. |
| Sgt. Yates: | Uh huh, that's what I thought. You all brought Mark Zuckerberg into your lives and now you want the police to shoot him. |
| Stephen: | Please, you don't understand! He-h he's such a penis! |
| Thomas: | Yeah, and I'm pretty sure his voice is dubbed and he does all his own sound effects. |
| Sgt. Yates: | Well that doesn't mean he's done anything illegal. Now, the police will help deal with Mark Zuckerberg, but we aren't going to shoot him. |
| The crowd: | Awwwwww! |
| Sgt. Yates: | I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. You all should've thought harder about this before letting him into your lives. |
| [Cartman's basement, day. Coon and Friends are gathered around the Coon table waiting...] | |
| Cartman: | When we all became superheroes, we took an oath. tha tno matter what it took, we would all make shitloads of money. But thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, right now, we are a superhero group that can't even get a show on Netflix. |
| Kenny: | Zuckerberg is the key. He's the only person whho can shut down Facebook. |
| Kyle: | How are we gonna get him to do that? |
| Cartman: | We're gonna beat him at his own game. |
| [South Park, day, one end of town. The police have set up a roadblock consisting of four police cars, a fire truck, and an ambulance.] | |
| Barkley: | We got the west entrance to town secure. How are you guys doing out east? |
| Foley: | Here he comes. [... looks left and walks towards the roadblock. Zuckerberg walks towards town slowly] |
| Barkley: | Okay, Mr. Zuckerberg, that's gonna have to be it. Can't let you into town. |
| Mark: | So, you think you can block me. |
| Barkley: | Look, people don't want you here, okay? This is a quiet little town and- |
| Mark: | Ha ha ha! You cannot block me! |
| Barkley: | But there's plenty of other places you could go, sir. Can you please just- [Zuckerberg strieks some poses and makes some odd sounds] Don', don't do that, please. |
| Mark: | [continues making strange sounds and begins moving through the roadblock] My brain, my brain. [more strange sounds] |
| Barkley: | He walked though. |
| Mark: | [more strange sounds] Oh my car, my car. [more strange sounds and motions] Oh my God it's Mark Zuckerberg. [more strange sounds and motions] Oh my God how'd he do that? [more strange sounds and motions. Jimmy zooms across the street behind him. He turns around, and Jimmy passes by three more times behind him] |
| Jimmy: | What's the matter? Too f-fast for ya? |
| Mark: | Ha ha ha, you saw me walk right through the police barricade and yet you think you can block me, riiight? Go ahead and try. [Jimmy walks up to him and between his legs to the other side. Both of them are making their own sound effects.] |
| Token: | [jumps into view] Now, Zuckerberg! Let me see you block my shtyle! |
| Mark: | Ha ha ha ha ha! [they both make their own sound effects and move around.] |
| Kyle: | [appeaers and approaches Zuckerberg] Bwa! Dadadadadadadada bam! [punches him in the groun] |
| Mark: | Oh... [falls over his his hands over his privates. The other Coon friends rush in and kick him on all sides] Hagh. Ow. I have never witness this shtyle before. |
| Thomas: | Hey look! The freaky costume kids are getting Zuckerberg! Get him, kids! |
| Randy: | Poop in his mouth! [Zuckerberg stands up and throws them all off. He then takes on Jimmy, Kyle, and Token individually and defeats them] |
| Mark: | [stands up and throws them all off] Rwaaaar! |
| Coon Friends: | [hitting the ground] Aaaah! [Zuckerberg then takes on Jimmy, Kyle, and Token individually and defeats them] |
| Mark: | Ha ha ha, you tried to match my style and failed! |
| Cartman: | [walks into view] Oho, it is over! My friends are all beaten! Why?! They were just children! [walks up to Token] This one, simply protesting for black lives! [] And this child tryin' to speak out for handicapped people! |
| Jimmy: | Wha- Why, Mark Zuckerberg?? |
| Cartman: | And my friend Kyle, guilty of nothing but standing up for the rights of Jews! |
| Mark: | What what what what are you talking about? |
| Cartman: | [triumphant] Ever heard of Facebook Live? [Mark doesn't follow, but Craig is shown in an alley recording this encounter onto his laptop. He waves at Cartman. Cartman turns toward the camera] We are just kids trying to have our voices heard for Black, handicapped, and Jewish rights, cut down in our prime by Mark Zuckerberg. |
| Mark: | But, but hold on, that, that's not true. |
| Cartman: | [triumphantly turns around] Facebook says it's true. |
| Mark: | Noooooooo! [quickly chacks his phone. At Chaos City, Butters' lair, the workstations stop owrking] |
| Workers: | Huh? Hey. What? Huh? |
| Butters: | What's goin' on? Hey everyne, keep working! |
| Worker 1: | We can't. |
| Worker 2: | Something's wrong with Facebook. |
| Adam: | It's gone. Like, somebody shut it down. |
| Butters: | What are you talking about? [a door is heard shut] |
| Cartman: | It's over, Chaos! [shown with the other Coon friends] We forced your little toady to shut down his own disorder device! |
| Butters: | Curse you, Coon and Friends! This isn't over! |
| Stan: | Oh yes it is. [Behind Coon and Friends, Butters' parents enter the abandoned store] |
| Stephen: | Butters! You're the one who started all this?! |
| Butters: | Uh oh. |
| [The Kremlin, day. It's snowing there. Stephen drags Butters along as they talk over each other] | |
| Stephen: | You think you're just so smart, don't you?! Make me look like a fool, will you?! We'll just see about this! |
| Butters: | Wah. No sir, I, ah. No sir, I just ah. |
| [The Kremlin, inside. Stephen drags Butters into Vladimir Putin's office] | |
| Stephen: | Not so funny now, is it?! Go on! Tell Mr. Putin what you told me! |
| Butters: | Well I was just, uh, well, I just said how I just used Facebook like Russia did. And I really didn't break any rules. |
| Stephen: | Didn't break any rules?! Good job teaching our children that's all that matters! Just because there's a way to cause chaos in a town, or disrupt an entire country, doesn't mean you go and do it, does it?! If Mark Zuckerberg points a loaded cannon at someone's face, [points at Putin] are you innocent for just lighting the fuse?! Answer me! |
| Putin: | Nyet, ser. ["No, sir."] |
| Stephen: | No! You don't go around making things up about people either! Unless it's about Mark Zuckerberg, because he deserves it! [walks towards the door] I hope you're both very satisfied with the damage you've cuased, because you're both GROUNDED! [leaves and shuts the door] |
| [Cartman's basement, day. The Coon and Friends are reunited there once again] | |
| Cartman: | Coon friends, we have done it. Facebook is gone, and Netflix approved our TV show. All we have to do now is agree on the final draft of the franchise plan. [shown once again, with some changes] You can see that the Supercraig movie now precedes the Coon vs. Supercraig movie, followed by Mysterion's video game. And then we- |
| Kenny: | How come I have to have the video game? I want a movie too! |
| Cartman: | You have a movie, Mysterion. You're in the third Coon and Friends United movie [Coon and Friends United 3], after your video game. |
| Craig: | Yeah, but he's saying he doesn't ever get his own movie. |
| Jimmy: | Do I get my own movie? |
| Cartman: | Not everyone gets their own movie! |
| Tweek: | This franchhise plan sucks! |
| Clyde: | Oh Jesus, here we go again. |
| Stan: | No, Wonder Tweek is right. It was better when we started the movies off with the Tupperware prequel |
| Kyle: | Dude you can't do a prequel first. |
| Stan: | Why not? |
| Kyle: | 'Cause then it's not a prequel, it's just... first. And besides, Tupperware isn't our strongest character. |
| Token: | Fuck you, it's better than a human kite! |
| Kenny: | He just likes this plan because he gets two movies in Phase 1. |
| Cartman: | Guys! We have to just go with this plan! We don't even have one movie yet! |
| Stan: | You go with the plan! Maybe we'll just... go and do our own franchise |
| Kenny: | Yeah! |
| Tweek: | Yeah! |
| Cartman: | Oh! You want civil war! Is that what you want?! |
| Stan: | Yeah dude, civil war. Fuck you! [leaves the table and the basement] |
| Cartman: | Oh fu- oh fuck you! Get out of my house! |
| Kenny: | We'll make WAY more money on OUR franchise! [Token and Tweek leave, then Kenny leaves] |
| Cartman: | Go ahead! I bet you don't even get halfway through Phase 1 on your franchise, DC Comics! [after Kenny leaves, the door closes. A few seconds of silence follows] |
| Craig: | I thought Civil War wasn't supposed to happen until Phase 3. |
| Cartman: | Shut up, Supercraig. |
| [End of Franchise Prequel.] |